I Don’t Wish You Well

Peace can be wishing you nothing.

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We’re supposed to practice forgiveness when someone has wronged us. I know this as well as anyone. I grew up very Catholic. Went to Catholic school from preschool to twelfth grade. I was involved with the church. I was old enough to remember all the preparation for my Baptism. My mom taught the classes for my First Reconciliation and First Communion. I knew the mass backwards and forwards. My first stage, undoubtedly, was the front of the church. Dressed in a black gown with a white poncho.

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I know how important it is to forgive others. I know that it is vital to moving on. “Forgive them for they know not what they do,” Luke 23:34. We could sit here and quote Bible verses all day.

But what if they do know? I’ve forgiven my ex, but I don’t wish him well. Forgiving him helps me feel better, and prevents me from projecting my trauma onto a future partner.

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.