If I Enforced My Boundaries There’d Be No One In My Life
Our therapists are missing this vital detail when they give us boundary setting advice.
Having boundaries isn’t the hard part. It’s enforcing them that is. The fact of the matter is, most people don’t take well to us asserting our boundaries. Have we forgotten this glaringly obvious detail? What are we supposed to do? We’re told that if someone is knowingly violating our boundaries, then we have permission to completely cut them off. Alright, well, is that really an option when the majority of people don’t immediately change their behavior?
This is a paradox. People don’t change at our own will. Most of the time, we have to accept that someone is acting in a way that we deem shitty. It’s hard to cut people off who are the closest to us, but sometimes it’s necessary for our own happiness. What if the person you’re cutting off is a parent, or a friend you’ve known for years?
In reality, people don’t declare they’re cutting someone off, or immediately ghost them on a whim. People pull back. They modify their behavior in the relationship without communicating that they’re putting in less effort due to repeated behaviors they find unwelcome.
I’ve had someone in particular tell me that boundaries can only happen when two…
