Surviving Dissolution

Austin Mortel
Sep 2, 2018 · 2 min read

Part II: Trying Again

Photo by Brigitta Schneiter on Unsplash

Hope — / hōp/ — want something to happen or be the case.

Trying again and again is all you think about. Nothing bugs you more than the thought of making it possible again. You have your hopes high for this phase, believing it can.

You are willing to do anything to avoid accepting it’s over. You’ll be a better, more attentive partner. Everything that’s been wrong, you’ll make right. The thought of being without your ex is so intolerable that you will make your own pain go away by winning him or her back, at any cost. Of course, you’re not logical at this point (and probably shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery). You are standing on the edge of what feels like an abyss, trying not to fall into the unknown. You cling to any hope you can, to prevent yourself from losing what you have come to depend on, for better or worse. However, during this phase, when you promise to fix all the problems between you, you are placing the entire burden of repairing, maintaining, and sustaining a relationship onto yourself. It’s as if the responsibility is yours and yours alone to make it work this time. Try your hardest during this phase not to lose sight of the fact that both participants in the relationship contributed to its end. You can’t possibly take responsibility for everything. Somewhere inside, you know that.

Bargaining can only briefly distract from the experience of loss. Reality inevitably comes crashing down, over and over again. Further, when you bargain, you are trying to take responsibility for why the relationship doesn’t work, which may give you the illusion that you have control over it, perpetuating the belief that it’s salvageable as long as you can just keep performing superhuman acts.

Don’t be overwhelmed by your thoughts for sometimes it’s better to see the real outcome of it than just believing on something that’s merely going to happen.


Let your hope make you glad. Be patient and in time of trouble & never stop praying. -Romans 12:12

heritage

A Collection of Poetry, Stories and Ideas. Header photo by Photo by Jack B on Unsplash. All stories, poems and series are written by Austin Mortel or otherwise noted. ©2018

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