She said: I think when you fall in love, you get so caught up in how your feel about that person that you jump into a long term relationship or marriage without discussing each other’s financial situation. It is like I love him and we want to be together but I don’t want to discuss what we do with our money.
Many of us have jumped into relationships before we were financially ready. Financially ready means to have a steady job, decent credit history, savings account and great track record of paying bills.
In my case, we were both not financially ready to move in together. Bills and money matters made our fragile relationship difficult. We could not agree on how money should be spent or saved for the household.
After living with someone, I now ask more questions upfront about how he spends his money, how he manages his credit and how he pays his bills.
According to O’Neill, “each of our saving and spending habits is a reflection of who we are, how we grew up and our general perception of life” (Forbes 2010).
We all view money differently. Some of us see my money as funds for ONLY my expenses/bills; whereas some think both partners should combine their money for household expenses/bills.
I think sometime we (females) let love affect our judgment to the point that we make bad financial decisions for the sake of the relationship. For example, she may take out a credit card in her name because he has no credit or a bad credit history. The downside to this is if he is not financially responsible with his money or credit then you run the risk of him damaging your credit score — if he fails to pay off the card or you breakup, then he may no longer feel obligated to pay on the account.
I know some women who have co-signed for cars, lend money or financed a business for their significant other. They entered the relationship with perfect credit and when the relationship ended they left with a lower credit score or in some cases had to file bankruptcy.
When you are in a relationship, you and your partner have to be smart — think about how you manage your money and debt in together. Yes, you should support your mate when you can. However, it is okay to say no when you believe that lending money, taking on more expenses or lending your credit could put you worse off than you are.
That being said, couples should have more honest conversations about money at the beginning of the relationship. You should discuss your spending habits, current bills/debts and saving habits. I know it is uncomfortable for some people to talk about this stuff but it is a conversation that needs to happen.
He said: There are several financial situations that a couple can go through. I think the most overlooked one is when a couple decides to move in together.
When people decide to move in together, the basic things are discussed, as far as the down payment for the house/apartment, the splitting of the bills, the chores around the house, etc. But what people don’t realize is their relationship has to change a little bit due to this move.
In most relationships, the man foots the bill when he takes his girl out. If they stop for a drink, he usually pays. If they’re at a carnival, he’s probably buying the cotton candy.
What I’m saying is that the man usually picks up the odds and ends on a date. Normally, a couple goes on a date 2–4 times a month before they move in together.
When they decided to move in together, they haven’t thought about how going out 2–4 times a month increases to 7 days a week. Can you afford this new “expense” in your budget?
Some men don’t take this new “expense” into consideration and old habits die hard, so some women will still request you to pick this up and that up without giving you any cash. I’m not saying the woman should pay for what she wants. I’m saying both parties should be mindful that they are shared expenses now. Many women don’t realize if you add all those little things up it equals more money than your initial 2–4 dates a month.
Money problems start when this issue isn’t acknowledged and the guy cannot afford to do pick up odds and ends and still afford to pay for dates regularly. As a man, you have to choose between keeping the house right or taking your lady on dates. If you slack on either she is going to let you know about it. If you don’t prepare yourself for these expenses, it can get really messy.
I think that moving in together is an adjustment for both parties financially. Both parties should be more flexible with money matters in order to find a happy medium that’s good for both parties.
People want to go into the same situation they’re comfortable in and want their mate to live the way they do. They do not realize their situation has to adjust to include their mate, not to conform him/her.
Many people have a certain way they prefer to live in their own space. However, not many people realize that you’re sharing your space with another adult and sometimes it becomes difficult to adjust to that.
Both parties must realize that you are truly teammates now. There are couples nowadays where the woman makes more money than the man. So now there is conflict about the role of “head of the household.”
I think it’s more important to be life partners than to designate a “leader” of the house. Both of you are adults and should be able to coexist.
Regardless of how much of the pie you bring to the table. We are all at different points of our life and we all can become better individuals.
This too can cause a riff in the relationship when the the woman is more flexible financially than the male. Which woman are you? The woman who pays for dates and times for you and your man to have a good time? Or the woman who ridicules your man because he can’t do the things you can do financially at this time? If he made more money than you would you be ok with him belittling your financial situation? Would you be ok with him throwing your contribution to the household in your face?
Like I said, there are several financial situations that a couple can go through. My advice is to be mindful of your mate and work through whatever situation that you may face as a team. Depending on the situation you may have many different roles in a relationship and sometimes roles reverse. That doesn’t make you less of a man or more of a woman or vice versa.
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