She said: Dating should be about meeting new people and experiencing new things. When I am dating, there are methods that I use to select a guy that I want to date. The first 30 days for me is about dating different people that I meet at different places (i.e. mall, grocery store, museum, party).
I date guys from two categories — “preferred” versus “non-preferred.” My preferred type is fashion forward, is taller than 5’8”, has a great sense of humor, is adventurous, is laid back and has an amazing smile. My non-preferred type dresses conservatively, is shorter than 5’8”, is super serious, is a planner and rarely smiles.
I define dating at this point as talking to him by phone, texting him and meeting up with him for a date 1–2 times per month.
I am okay with dating more than one guy at a time. I have dated at the most 5 guys at once.
Let me be clear — I am not kissing or being intimate with all 5 guys. But I do enjoy getting to know each guy on a personal level.
I am having conversations with each one to figure out if we are compatible. I am going on dates to see if I am comfortable being around him or if we get along.
Nothing between us is serious. I am not looking at any of them as my potential boyfriend or soulmate. I am not sure what I want at this point. I am trying to figure out if I like any of them. Love is not even on the table.
I think it is okay for things to be ambiguous at this point. Unlike some females, I am not one to jump quickly into a committed relationship nor do I look for those “butterfly feelings” in my stomach anymore.
Those “butterfly feelings” use to symbolize that there is a deep connection between us. But now I am wiser and I know that a deep connection has to be established with words and actions. There is no guarantee that what we have will last beyond this magnetic attraction.
I like to take my time when I date different types of guys. I want to explore my options then narrow down my choices.
He Said: When dating, I do not normally place a time frame on things. The number of females I maybe dating depends on the interaction.
For me, one of my main goals is to “knock down the wall” or “break the ice.”
Many females that I’ve come into contact with are very guarded due to previous situations with other guys. So the sooner you can knock down the wall, the sooner you can begin to get to know her.
Now don’t let me fool you guys! I am nowhere near an expert at dating. Lately, I haven’t been the best judge of character.
During the first 30 days, I try to spend quality time with girls I’m interested in. Now if there’s one girl who I click with instantly, then naturally my interest in anyone else dwindles.
I look for signs like…. A woman who can hold a conversation. A woman with an interesting background. I also notice how she expresses herself. I prefer a woman who’s humble, realistic and considerate. This isn’t very easy to find but I always keep an open mind.
As far as looking for anything serious, at this age I am turtle slow when it comes to getting serious. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I have taken that leap of faith or I have pushed things back even after being pursued by the female to take the next step.
I don’t know if this is for everyone, but we all have our definition of LOVE. Personally I don’t think many people have experienced it.
It’s hard to describe, but there’s a SPARK. I know, it sounds like something from the movies… But I’ve actually experienced it. So you know it’s a different feeling when you are with someone who you don’t have that spark with.
But this SPARK or relationship takes time. People want to skip over the developmental stages of ANY relationship. Yet, you have to allow things to happen naturally through experiences and time.
People want instant satisfaction and gratification to cover up the frustrations or other issues they have in their lives.
Unfortunately, a great relationship will not hide or fix your personal problems. Most times those problems leak over into your relationship and ruin that too. Be very careful!
This is the first installment in the Options series which is a collection of articles about dating habits at different time periods. Keep reading and coming back each week!
