“Why Do Men Use The Word Love So Easily?”
We have been receiving plenty of feedback for #HeSaidSheSaid and we want to say we appreciate all of the comments, feedback, reading & sharing of the blog. One of our readers asked a question and we want to answer it for all of our readers.
He Said: Ok… I’m gonna share something with you that you’ve probably never realized. There are three types of men. There are men who know what they mean, men who don’t know what they mean & men who will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. Tread very carefully because some men blend between all three of these types depending on the situation or subject.
The men who know what it means to love themselves and others speak in a different tone than most. They do things that you’ve heard of and things you couldn’t imagine. The speak in the key of us, we, our, etc. These men scare lots of women away because even though they want this man, they know they aren’t ready for him.
The men who don’t know anything about love will say things to deflect the fact that they have no experience in this subject. This is usually used to confuse you so that you will change the subject because lack of knowledge makes them uncomfortable. They want to be with a female, but they don’t know how to keep one. This is embarrassing to them and causes a lot of them to keep a wall up with their partners.
Now men who will tell you whatever you want to hear are definitely a special type of person. They’re smart enough to know what love is, but will use that knowledge as leverage to coerce you into getting whatever it is that they want from you. This type of man can be a result of either of the before mentioned types of men. And most of them are a result of dealing with hurt incorrectly. A man who knows what he wants is hurt and doesn’t want to open up again. Or a man who doesn’t know what he wants learns some things about women and figures if he can tell her what she wants to hear then in turn he doesn’t have to open up himself.
So the answer to the question is this. Depending on what space the man is in and what the female expects will give you the answer. Some men use the word easily because they know what they want, they know who you are and they really mean it. Some will use it easily without knowing what it really means. And some men will use it so easily because they can tell that’s exactly what you want to hear.
She Said: I am conflicted on how to answer this one but I am going to give it my best shot. So let me start with love is a verb….it goes beyond the words “I love you” and must be expressed through actions and sacrifices. In my relationships, I am usually the last one to utter the words “I love you” not because I don’t have feelings for him but I am patiently waiting for the right moment and time for when I know for certain that he feels it too and he has said it first.
And for females…it’ easier for those words to slip from our lips because we have more experience in the area of talking about our feelings. We each have this secret checklist of what we want from a guy and when a guy starts to do things on that list…the ice around our hearts slowly starts to melt and the walls start to crumble…and before we know it…we are in LOVE. And for some of us, we can’t keep those words to ourselves so we tell him “I love you” in hopes that he is feeling it too. We know it’s a 50/50 risk that he may not love us back…but some of us like my sister are brave enough to take the risk. She won’t hold back these words because to deny love is like her not being to true to herself.
As for why I think some guys easily say the words “I love you,” I believe that some of them mean it in that moment…like the feelings just snuck up on him… and he needed to say those words, yet he wasn’t ready for the actions or sacrifices that are required to be in love with someone. I have seen some guys say it then become very distant afterwards or they start to engage in hurtful behaviors to push that person away. I believe some men fear love and the vulnerability that come with it or they fear being with one person and walking away from all the other bodies they could have or should have.
I think that fear is real for them…like in that moment it may even paralyze some of them to the point where all they want to do is run away or end things or deny the connection. Love is a risk for both of us — the man and the woman.
But what I hate is that most men treat love as a liability instead of an asset. Love is an asset because it heals, restores and nurtures each of us. It adds value to our lives and our relationships…it deepens the connection you have with a partner that goes beyond the physical attraction.
I just wish more men, who chase women, realized that this type of behavior cannot help him become a great man. The drama and the lies needed to keep up with your roster of women comes at a cost.
Whereas, some of the most successful Black men in the world (MLK, Louis Farrakhan, Barack Obama and Bill Cosby) know that they could not have achieved greatness without the love of their life and because of their wives’ unconditional love, support and sacrifice they became BETTER men.
Love gives a man a sanctuary when the world is against him, when others abandon him and when no one else supports his dreams. And love is what most men need to be pushed to the next level of greatness.
