Why men can’t be upfront and tell women what they really want?


He said: This question is something that I hear females say all the time. They say, “If sex was all you wanted, then you could’ve said that from the beginning. Maybe that’s all I wanted too…”

Okay, let’s start off by saying that’s one of the biggest lies I have ever heard. Females don’t really mean this. I think this is used as a coping mechanism to push the blame on the guy when/if things don’t work out between them. Most females have been taught that all most guys want is sex. But what they fail to realize is that sometimes it’s all most girls want too.

See the truth is…. the male and female BOTH would have sex with each other from the moment they’ve met. I don’t think there is ONE female out here who has given her number to a guy without being sexually attracted to him.

At the beginning, we both wanted each other sexually. Men are physical creatures and women are taught by society to be more emotional creatures. In other words, we (men) know we want to have sex with you when we see and feel you. Now even though females have these same feelings or urges, society has taught them that we need to “earn” sex from them.

So even when we do something that you don’t like, physically we’re already ready to have sex with you so our urges don’t go away. In your head, you’re done with the situation but he’s still trying to make a move.

So in a nutshell it’s NOT that sex is all we want. We actually want to build a relationship and live happily ever after with a big house and lots of kids.

BUT…. if the above doesn’t happen we’d still like to have sex with you even if things don’t work out. Don’t judge us. Society raised us differently.

She said: Socially, we are both raised differently. In some cultures, females are raised to abstain from intimacy, whereas, males maybe encouraged to be intimate with various partners. In religious families, both are taught to resist the urges and to hold out until they are married.

That being said, I believe that a female may ask the above question because she wants clarity about what is going on between her and a guy. She wants to understand if she misread his signs, like does he want all of me or just my body. Does he want something casual or long-term?

I think we (females) what honesty in the beginning about what his intentions are. We don’t want things to be ambiguous — like “we just hanging out” or “let’s see where this goes.” Since we tend to be emotional creatures, we need to know how much of our feelings should we invest in a guy.

Like other women, I have had a guy say, “Girl, I am different. I am not just after your body.” Now when I hear this, I realize that I really have two choices with this guy — (a) believe him and go out with him or (b) walk away because he is lying.

I just think as females we have to be honest with ourselves so that we don’t get ourselves in situations we are not comfortable with. If you want to wait, then you will have to be “very selective” when picking someone to date.

Vice versa, if you feel you cannot wait, then you have to realize that intimacy does not guarantee that things will work out. Yes, it can lead to a relationship but it cannot be the only thing that holds the couple together.

This matter is too complex and there is no easy answer. Yes, biologically our bodies have urges and desires for the opposite sex. Initially, there is an attraction between the male and female when they first meet.

Yet, we (females) don’t always act on these urges with every guy. Maybe we want to practice self-control and wait until we are married, know him better or are in a committed relationship. In some cases, she may not want to wait but fears how she will be judged.

Writers: He Said & SheSaid / Editor: N.G.

Disclaimer: This topic is controversial and both of us did not agree on this sensitive matter. However, intimacy in a relationship inside or outside of marriage is a reality for most daters. We recognize that not all males or females are being intimate, some are abstinent or celibate. That being said we wanted to share our opinions about this matter.

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