Would you take the leap and get married the traditional way? by He Said & SheSaid
He said: When I say traditional way, I mean you marry someone not knowing much about them. You learn and grow together throughout your marriage.
What I remember is marriage was considered “a leap of faith.” Faith is to believe without knowing the outcome.
It seems in today’s times that marriage has to be “WORTH IT” to actually take the next step. So why do we need so much time to figure out if we want to marry someone?
People want to marry a finish product, which they didn’t play a part in creating. You didn’t help grow or develop your spouse. Moreover, your spouse didn’t help grow or develop you.
I think that as a people our generation has become very materialistic. Nowadays, people require temporary things from a spouse, such as money, cars, looks and social acceptance.
For instance, the amount of money you have comes and goes. Buying a house is considered a debt instead of an asset now. Children have even been changed from blessings into expenses or their wants into “unnecessary needs.”
People just aren’t taking the time to get to know one another anymore so there is no real connection. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should go out and just marry anyone you meet on the street. But honestly I think that you should look for key aspects in a person’s morals, values and beliefs.
These aspects stay with a person their whole lives and you will always have to deal with them — whether you have money, are flat broke, live in a mansion, live in an efficiency, ride the bus or drive a Bentley. How you treat people and the type of person you are is what builds a solid marriage that will survive through thick and thin.
It seems like people, who bring their old issues with them into the next relationship, are the first ones to run away. They go somewhere they think is safe but what about who they leave behind.
People have lost respect for the idea of marriage. Not too many people have actually been in love but they’ve been in like. So it’s difficult for them to make that kind of commitment.
If they do make that commitment, then they don’t give it the respect it deserves. For example, people are now marrying someone just to show off to their peers. Or they marry someone to make sure their bills will always be paid.
Additionally, they even get married to not be alone. That being said they’ve lost sight of the things that make a marriage work, such as:
- ✓ Compatibility
- ✓ Compassion
- ✓ Consideration
She said: I can’t speak for everyone but I would not marry the traditional way. I want to take my time getting to know that person before I take that leap into marriage.
I need to be mentally, physically and emotionally ready for this type of commitment. He also needs to have the same type of mindset.
If I am thinking about settling down and jumping the broom, then I need to be clear with the person I am dating so he knows this is my intention. This way I don’t waste his time and he does not waste my time by engaging in a casual relationship.
You both have to be READY to get married. Ready to me means I have done the necessary work to deal with my problems, my finances are in order, I can provide for myself/family and I can be honest about all aspects of my life. We both are taking the necessary steps to improve ourselves so we can enter a marriage.
That being said, marriage does not make someone ready. Nor should you have to force him to get his affairs in order after you are married.
Since marriage also blends families together, you should evaluate your potential spouse and his family dynamics. For instance, do people in his family work things out or do they act in ways that are verbally, physically or financially abusive, such as name calling, hitting others or hiding money.
Some of us grew up in healthy families and some of us did not. Before we get married, it is best that we deal with those lingering “family demons” of dysfunction (i.e. cheating, divorce, debt, domestic violence).
Lastly, marriage should be a lifetime commitment between two people, who are willing to work on their relationship so that it lasts until death or divorce for some. I don’t think you should quickly jump into a marriage nor date someone for many years.
I think that one year is enough time to get to know someone. A year of dating will expose one’s “true character,” likes/dislikes, morals/beliefs, behaviors, views on religion, spending habits and family dynamics.
