How to Ask an Experienced UX Designer, “Can I Pick Your Brain?”
I often get emails, Twitter DMs, and LinkedIn requests from UX designers I don’t know asking, “Can I pick your brain about UX?”
Recently, I received a LinkedIn message that went something like this:
Jessica, I read your blog posts, and I’d like to pick your brain. I was laid off over six months ago. I’ve been having trouble finding UX work. I have several kids, and the bills are piling up.
I go on UX job interviews, but the companies don’t hire me. They won’t give me feedback after I interview because they’re afraid of liability.
I’ve included links to my résumé and portfolio. I’m hoping you could review them, and with your deep experience, you can tell me what’s not working and why I’m not getting hired.
I instantly thought, “I’d love to help this person. But, to help them, I’d have to have a detailed conversation about their situation by phone or video conference. Then, I would need extensive time to review their résumé and portfolio.”
I politely declined their request. I told them I couldn’t help because I had other work commitments and personal commitments, which was true. And I sincerely wished them luck.
Most Experts are Busy People
To be clear, I love helping people with their UX careers. I’m a faculty member at Center Centre, the UX design school. Helping people with their design careers is built into my DNA.
I’m flattered whenever someone finds a blog post I wrote and asks me for UX advice. But I can’t say yes to every request for help. I often get multiple requests per week. If I said yes to them all, I wouldn’t have enough time for my own obligations, either at work or at home.
In Jess Keys’ fantastic article on how to ask people you don’t know for career guidance, she explains how an expert feels when they receive an email from you, a person they don’t know, requesting help:
When you ask someone to coffee, they feel bad telling you no, because of course, who wouldn’t want to help?
They feel badly if they tell you no, but they also feel badly about taking time away from their business or family to meet you, a random person, whom they don’t know, but still really want to help.
So, essentially, what started as a polite gesture on your part has actually put them in an awkward, lose-lose situation.
I read this and instantly thought, “I feel that way almost every time a stranger asks me to help them.”
She adds, “Most people don’t have time to even get coffee with their best friend, much less a complete stranger.”
I agree with Jess. Like you, the people you want help from are busy working and living their lives.
I don’t think this means you should never ask a professional to help you. I do think it’s wise to be strategic about how you ask for help, especially if you don’t know the person.
How to Ask a Busy Professional to Help You
Here are some approaches you can use to request help from an expert.
Give Before You Take
Before you send the person a request, give them something valuable.
For example, if they wrote a blog post you found helpful, give them useful, actionable feedback on the content they wrote.
Avoid giving the person surface-level praise like, “This post is awesome!” That may make them feel good, but it doesn’t give them useful input on why you think the post was awesome.
As someone who writes UX blog articles, I appreciate when my readers tell me how my posts helped them. For example, someone who read my post, “Prepare for Your Next UX Job Search Now (Even if You’re Happily Employed),” left this comment:
Great and inspiring! Currently I’m in this sort of a process and this article is very useful and shows that I’m on the right track. :)
Thankfully I am not forced right now to look for a new job. But putting yourself out there for people to see can always bring some new opportunities.
That comment was useful to me. It helped me realize my post was meeting the goal I set out to achieve — to encourage readers to lay the groundwork for their job search early, instead of waiting until they need to look for work.
Think of any professional relationship like a bank account. You need to make deposits before you make withdrawals. By thanking the expert and giving them useful feedback, you’re making a deposit into the account at the beginning of the relationship.
Make Sure They Haven’t Already Answered Your Question
Before you ask for help, make sure the person hasn’t answered your question somewhere online. It’s possible they’ve already addressed your concern in a blog post, in a podcast interview, or somewhere else.
Spend at least 10 minutes searching online to see if they (or another expert) has addressed your question. That 10 minutes could save both you and the expert time. There’s no use in emailing someone a question they’ve already answered.
Make It Easy for them to Give You What You Want
I often receive emails with vague, open-ended questions like, “What’s the best way for me to become a user researcher?”
These emails are difficult to answer. If you send me this question, and I don’t know you, I can’t give you valuable guidance. I don’t know your unique situation — your career background, your education level, what transferable skills you have, why you want to become a researcher, and so on.
You’re asking me to answer a question over email that’s very difficult to answer over email.
In the article I mentioned above, Jess Keys suggests asking people for help in a way that’s easy for them to respond. She recommends you ask them a simple, targeted question they can answer quickly.
Using Jess Keys’ guidance, I crafted this example of how you could email me with a question that’s easy to answer:
Hello Jessica,
I recently listened to your interview on The UX Designer’s Podcast. I appreciate how you recommended the books Just Enough Research and Contextual Design for user research. Do you have any other user research book recommendations?
I’ve read both of those books already. I agree that they are great research books. It’s reassuring to hear that you recommend both of them. I must be reading the right stuff!
I’ve loved everything you’ve recommended so far, and I’m on the hunt for more books.
Thanks again for all you do!
That email is great for several reasons. It’s polite. It’s considerate. It’s easy to answer quickly.
I’ve read many research books. I can probably respond to that email in less than two minutes. After I reply to you, I’ll feel great because I helped a stranger in less than two minutes. It’s a win-win situation for both of us.
If You Meet With the Person, Prepare Questions Ahead of Time
If the person agrees to meet with you (either in person, by phone, or by video conference), use their time wisely. Come to the meeting with thoughtfully-prepared questions for the expert. Again, make sure those questions aren’t already answered online, either by that expert or someone else.
You want the expert to feel good about meeting with you. You want them to feel like they’ve given you specific guidance that you couldn’t find through an online search.
If you plan and use their time wisely, they’ll likely think of you as a considerate, professional person. They’ll feel good about your meeting, and they’ll be more willing to help you in the future.
Offer to Meet in a Location that’s Convenient for Them, Not Just You
When requesting a face to face meeting, offer to meet them when and where it’s convenient for them. Don’t expect them to go to a location that’s convenient for you, especially if it’s out of their way. Ask them where they’d like to meet and go there.
Again, the easier you make it for them to help you, the more likely they are to help you.
Buy their Coffee or Lunch
Please, please, please, if you meet the person for coffee or lunch, buy their coffee or lunch.
If the expert agrees to meet with you, they’re helping you for free. If they have to buy their own beverages or food, now they’re spending money to help you. This could (understandably) make them angry and leave them with a sour impression of you.
They’re giving you a free hour of their expertise and their precious time. Be sure to spend $5 on their coffee or $20 on their lunch. The investment will be worth it.
Remember to Say Thank You
This sounds obvious, but it bears stating: Always say thank you for whatever help the person provides.
Sometimes, strangers email me asking for help. I spend 10–15 crafting a thoughtful, useful response. I reply, and I never hear from the person again. Not even a simple thank you.
Frankly, this is frustrating. I just helped someone for free, and they didn’t say thank you. It makes me not want to help other people in the future.
Please — take 30 seconds to reply with a simple thank you. It shows the expert you take them seriously and appreciate their time.
It’s Okay if They Don’t Respond
People are busy. Even if you follow the guidelines above, and they don’t respond, it’s probably because they don’t have time. Try not to take it personally.
Be as considerate and strategic as you can when asking for help. The more thought you put into your request, the more likely you are to get a response.
Any Response You Receive is a Gift
Remember: When you ask an expert you don’t know for career guidance, you are asking them for free consulting. You are asking them for a huge favor.
If they agree to help you, even if it’s just replying with a short email, they are saying no to other commitments. They could easily use that time for their own obligations instead of responding to you.
Therefore, any input they give you is a gift.
Make it easy for them to give you this gift. Most successful UX professionals want to help people like you. They want to give back to the design community. They want to contribute to other designers’ careers.
So be strategic about how you request help. Contact the expert with professionalism and courtesy. Leave a great impression that makes them want to help you now — and help you again in the future.
Thanks to Marybeth Fall, Evan Norton, and Curtis Green for their input on this article.
