New York Wasn’t for Me and That’s Okay
If you ask anyone who knows me, they’ll tell you I have always had a ten-year plan. It went something like this: graduate college, spend most of my 20s loving life in New York, work abroad for a year or two, and finally go back to Southern California to start a small agency and a family. Sounds like a great plan, right? Well, I thought so.
As graduation came, I found myself leaving for an internship in New York with a great agency. I thought: THIS IS IT. I had all these visions of what my summer in New York would be. I would dominate at work and on the weekends, I would spend my days brunching and exploring the city while hitting up every possible bar at night. My ten-year plan would be off to the perfect start! Except…that’s not how it happened at all.
My summer in New York was pretty anti-climatic. I loved my job and the people I was working with, but when I left the office I became a small person, not wanting to do much of anything. The once outgoing and vibrant person I was became a hermit attached to my bed and Postmates. Here I was “living my dream,” doing what I had always planned to do and it just wasn’t working. I felt like I was the problem for not adapting to New York quick enough. But I tried to put on a brave face. I told myself I would settle in soon, I just had to give it time.
But I didn’t have as much time as I thought I would. When summer came to the midway point I was pretty bluntly told that although my company loved me, they didn’t have a space for me in the creative department. At first, I was disappointed because although I was struggling to adjust to the city, I REALLY wanted to work at the agency. Then I went into freak-out mode and started applying to other agencies like a maniac.
After applying to what felt like every shop in the city, I started thinking outside of New York. At first, that was heartbreaking. It wasn’t part of my plan to leave New York so soon, and even though New York wasn’t working out the way I had imagined in said plan, I wasn’t ready to let go of it just yet. I felt like I had failed. I was scared to let my family down, especially after all the sacrifices they made for me to go to college and move to New York. But there was also a small part of me that found relief in this road bump because it meant I had a valid excuse to leave New York. In a way, it was freeing.
I started to realize that a lot of the pressure I felt came from wanting to live up to my family’s — and my own — expectations of success after college. And without realizing it I put this responsibility on myself to succeed by these standards. As the summer came to a close, I slowly began to accept that maybe I couldn’t find this feeling of success in New York.
It wasn’t until I was interviewing for a small boutique agency in LA that I was truly honest with myself. The interviewer asked me how I defined success and my answer was twofold; I personally define success as being happy in your work life and personal life. After my interview, I sat by myself thinking about that answer. It was such a simple thing to want. But could I honestly say it was true for me? Was I happy in both my work and personal lives? The answer was no. I realized I had to stop forcing New York.
Although I knew leaving New York would be the best for me, I naturally called my mom to make sure I wasn’t screwing up my life. Then I decided I was coming home to San Diego with or without a job. It felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt less tied to the plan I had made in college. I realized that I could find this idea of success anywhere I was, I just had to take the first step and then run.
Two weeks later I got an amazing offer at an agency in LA. Everything in my gut was saying “Take the offer in L.A. and run with it!” So I did.
What I learned from this whole experience is that things don’t always happen how you expect them to — and that’s okay. That internship that I loved led me to another great agency here in LA. That feeling of responsibility I felt for my family slowly started to slide away and I was able to figure out what I truly wanted. I learned things don’t always have to go according to my 10-year plan. But just because New York isn’t for me right now, doesn’t mean I won’t be back in two years or so. Hell, that’s the plan actually. This summer taught me to trust in the process and go off road a little because you never know what might happen.
So for all my planners out there: put away your calendars and listen to your gut. Let your plans change and go off course, allow yourself to see the other options available in your peripheral. You never know, it might just be the best thing to ever happen to you.
Topacio Beerhalter is a Copywriter at Decoded Advertising. Currently, she is on the search for the perfect piece of pizza in LA. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
