In College, the Danger isn’t from a Stranger
College preparation should include a discussion about recognition, engagement, and responses to peers who suffer from alcoholism or mental illness. Your student needs to understand that as they embrace the freedoms of living apart from their family, they will encounter others representing new challenges, character types and dangerous behaviors.
Most parents don’t talk to their college-bound children about certain dangerous and scary issues within the college social experience. The “stranger danger” we coach them to be aware of as kids is still present. However, the people they need to consider dangerous are now folks their age — and they aren’t usually strangers. They are roommates, dorm residents, classmates.
Roommates, dorm residents, and classmates can present a different risk, while it is usually an emotional risk, it can be a physical one as well. Most students will likely face their first encounters with mentally ill peers (via eating and personality disorders) and alcoholics. The unfortunate truth is that there are many mentally ill people and many alcoholics at college, and it is probable that your student will encounter some of them.
For someone encountering peers with these conditions for the first time, preparation is invaluable. Your student needs to know what red flags to be aware of, what a sensible response is, how to protect themselves, who to talk to and where to go if they need help.
Warning: The rest of this article will not be considerate of the college students who suffer from these conditions or speak to their needs — if you need that go somewhere else. This article is for helping students who encounter these folks.
Eating Disorders
Your student will meet, live with or socialize with dozens of people with eating disorders. Approximately 15 to 20% of women aged 17 -24 have or have had an eating disorder. Students newly freed from the active management of in-home parents can have their eating disorder progress significantly. Bulimia, Binge Disorder, and Anorexia can blossom in college. In some cases, eating disorders BEGIN in college. (The average age for developing anorexia is nineteen yrs old. ) The college environment is ripe for disordered eating.
Your student needs to be prepared to discern that some people at college will have eating disorders. Awareness is key so that when they come across peers who are giving diet tips or suggesting ways to “save calories for drinking”, it may come from a disordered eating person. Your student may have a roommate with odd diet or eating habits, and they need to know that mental illness may be present. They need to look for someone refusing to eat, denying hunger, skipping meals, eating only a few specific foods, or vomiting in bathrooms, not just from over drinking.
Your student needs to manage their nutrition and food needs without undue influence from an unhealthy person. Recognition of eating disordered behaviors can help with your student staying unscathed when dining or living with a friend who suffers.
Talk to them about healthy eating habits and the signs of trouble in others. Coach your student to be aware of these influences and treat they should stay strong in not succumbing to matching the behaviors of their friends if the actions are unhealthy. Remind your student that the college has resources to assist students and can reach out if they feel compelled.
Alcoholics
In the U.S., there is an alcohol culture in our colleges. With few exceptions, alcohol is freely and widely available to first-year college students. Your student is going to meet a lot of alcoholics. If your student drinks, they will, at some point, be drinking with alcoholics.
The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that “36.9 percent of college students ages 18–22 reported binge drinking in the past month compared with 27.9 percent of other persons of the same age.” Binge drinking doesn’t mean someone is a chronic alcoholic, of course, but alcoholics do it. Binge drinking is the primary behavior of alcohol abuse.
Besides your guidance about drinking and its’ risks, it would help if you had them know that some of the people around them will have a severe problem with alcohol. Alcohol abuse accounts for two thousand deaths a year among college students. And as they age, they will see alcoholics in the workplace. Various studies estimate that alcoholism affects between 5% and 6% of adults over 18.
Discuss the signs of alcohol abuse and understand that most sufferers will not admit a problem. They need to know that some people will have alcohol abuse go unchecked. They need to know some folks have severe issues and not to match alcoholics intake or consumption rate. Some students will be hungover in class on Tuesday, and while it may be amusing in college, it is unwelcome and a real problem once they are out of college.
Speak with them about their opinion of when binge drinking becomes a problem. Talk about people experiencing blackouts when drinking — not only for its’ personal danger — but as a sign of an issue. Warn them about people being out of control. It isn’t just them managing their intake. They will live in an environment with young, active alcoholics, and they must see it as such.
Understanding that it is hard to form real relationships with alcoholics is essential. Or they will waste more money and time socializing with alcoholics. That the good times often end with failure to accomplish anything meaningful. Classes get skipped due to hangovers, it gets hard to concentrate and perform when drinking heavily. Sex and romance suffer immeasurably in binge drinking culture — not to mention sexual assault or non-consensual interactions occur most frequently when alcohol is involved.
Mentally Ill
Your student may meet five hundred people or more in the first semester if they live on campus. According to the National Institute of Health and other sources, at least 50 of those individuals will be mentally ill with anti-social conditions or schizophrenia.
A first-year college student will undoubtedly face someone they live with or regularly encounter who has mental issues. It could be a roommate, suitemate, or live in their dorm.
The most extensive study of anti-social personality disorders, done by N.I.H., found 6.2% of the population would meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and 3.7% would meet the requirements for Anti-Social Personality Disorder or Sociopathy. The data on schizophrenia is that more than one percent of college students will develop it in their late teens.
A narcissist lacks empathy, and a sociopath lacks remorse. A narcissist has delusions of grandeur, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a strong sense of entitlement, and exploits others without shame. A sociopath can be superficial, unreliable, unpredictable, given to lying, a high-risk taker to stir things up. For a student unfamiliar with these people, the emotional and physical risks are real.
They need to know they exist, they will meet them and they need to protect themselves. Adults know people with these disorders bully, manipulate, belittle and betray the people around them. Guide your student to look for lack of empathy or remorse, unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior, lying, and manipulation. Give them the knowledge to recognize and confidence to steer clear of these individuals.
Schizophrenia is a severe, incurable psychiatric disease that causes individuals to experience hallucinations, delusions, cognitive issues, lack of motivation, and trouble producing clear thoughts. They may or may not be dangerous. People with schizophrenia rarely know they have the disease.
In my freshman college dorm, a very unbalanced guy kept a loaded handgun in his room. Guns were against the rules then, and they are now. I didn’t say anything, and he never did anything, but I wish I had been ready for the experience of living with someone on edge.
Talk to your student about the signs of mental illness and how they might respond when they see it. No, they do not have to take care of them or become the dorm counselor they SHOULDN’T try to help a peer with any mental issues. Your student is not a licensed therapist and is not responsible for their roommate or classmate. At most, your student should direct a peer to the campus resources designed to provide professional help for these ill students.
The best way to prepare your student to stay healthy and on guard emotionally is to make sure they know that sometimes the behaviors of a peer are due to mental illness or disorder.
Prepare your student to recognize that there may be underlying reasons for what they see. Of course, please encourage them to be kind; the point is for them to be safe and well.
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