Coming Out Day: Interview with Tobias Eppler (CRO at HeyJobs)
Tobias Eppler, our Chief Revenue Officer, was recently recognized as one of Germany’s “Top 100 Out Executives” for being a professional role model to the LGBTQ+ community. As an outed gay person since high school, we spoke with Tobias about his personal outing story and how he empowers diversity in his professional life.
When and how did you come out?
I was 17 at the time and on family vacation in France. I had reached a point where I could no longer bear lying to myself. I wanted to finally break free and be honest with my parents, my brother — and myself.
I told my brother while playing Gameboy. He responded: “Everything’s great, no problem for me. You know I love you.” That really encouraged me and I decided also to tell my parents, which I did on our way to dinner that same day. My mom reacted like my brother. She said that this was not a problem at all and that she loved me. But my dad just looked at me and said, “Uh-huh, okay.” That really disturbed me, especially as we were usually such a loving and hugging family.
When we arrived at the restaurant, I started to hyperventilate and to cry. I’ve never had such an intense feeling of sadness. Surprisingly my dad started crying as well, followed by my mom and my brother. My dad took my hand and said: “I’ve always wished that life would be easier for you. I will always love you just the way you are, son. You’ll always be my gold star.” That was an incredible sign of love. I still feel tears in my eyes every time I recount this situation. And probably until this day the French people around us thought we all were crazy.
Thank you, Tobi, for sharing. How have you supported diversity in your private and professional life?
I have started early on to actively support this topic that is so close to my heart. Both at my high school and my university, I founded the first ever diversity groups to create safe spaces for LGBTQ+ members and immigrants. It took some guts but I knew it had to be done. Especially at my business school, where I was suddenly surrounded by 70% of white dudes and a lot of “traditional masculinity”, I knew that I needed to take a stand because “we” were there, too. And I didn’t want us to be treated like some sort of underground society. I wanted us to be visible, to have a clear voice.
At Google, I actively participated in the “Gayglers” network and at McKinsey, I joined the community “GLAM”. Also my community service at an AIDS help center broadened my horizon a lot. It has always been important to me to not only being part of such groups but to actively help promote this important topic. Personally, I got along well as an outed person in the professional world, but many others were still in this difficult phase in which they don’t like themselves or don’t yet understand who they truly are.
I have always been very open about my sexuality. If you don’t leave room for speculation on whether you are gay or not, everyone can focus on what actually counts. I am a strong believer in meritocracy. As a human being, I am not defined by my gender, my sexuality or my skin color but by my ambitions, my fears, and my dreams.
Later at HeyJobs, I have set up a diversity group that is in charge of our involvement with the Christopher Street Day in Berlin. Last year, HeyJobs was the smallest company to sponsor the CSD. We had our own car and a fabulous colorful party. We hope to be back next year and it will be even more colorful then.
Yes, fingers crossed. What else do you think companies can do to become more attractive for LGBTQ+ employees?
I think it is the wrong approach to start with the question: “How can I become more attractive for LGBTQ+? Companies need to start by honestly evaluating their culture: “Are we truly these diverse and open people that we claim to be?” Pinkwashing only works until someone from the LGBTQ+ community joins and uncovers that it was only a facade.
I also believe that diversity needs to be embraced and fostered by the executives and the advisory board, like it is done at HeyJobs. It is not an issue that HR can and should deal with on its own. If a homophobic comment is made by an executive, the diversity groups are useless. The important thing is to create a safe space where people have the courage to come out. I want to work in a company where I can be who I am.
At HeyJobs, we always check for biases when recruiting our own employees. We try to build our recruiting and performance processes in a way that biases can be eliminated as much as possible. We should all strive for that.
What LGBTQ+ role models do you have?
I admired how Dirk Bach handled his coming out. He was the only male TV personality who was straightforward and open about his sexuality. It was similar with Hella von Sinnen in the lesbian community. In politics, Klaus Wowereit clearly showed his colors. And in business, I admire Tim Cook, who came out quite late, but dared to take the step publically as the CEO of one of the world’s most valuable companies. To me that is inspiring and helps change the organizational culture of many companies.
What would you like to say to people who (in their professional environment) don’t have the courage to come out yet?
I think many will agree with me: Coming out in a private environment is already the first step. With your parents, with your friends. Coming out at work would be the logical next step.
Here is my advice: Ultimately, it is your performance that counts. And if the company you work for doesn’t accept you when you come out, it is really not the company you want to work for. Stand up for yourself and leave with your head held high, rather than telling stories à la “I was at my girlfriend’s”. This frees your mind and you automatically become more productive.
Taking this step has also resulted in many deep friendships and great conversations for me. Have the courage to do it, find a good moment and don’t let anyone pressure you.
Thank you, Tobi, for this personal and inspiring interview!
