Big Kid Bed

Written January 2022

You’ve been in your big kid bed for 5 minutes and I already want to rewind the clock, put my baby back in his crib.

I wasn’t prepared for this tonight. I thought we had one more night of our old routine.

But circumstances unfolded and tonight, we cuddled to sleep in your very own bed.

You fell asleep easily. I stayed a while then softly rolled to the floor, stood and stared before I snuck out. Your body looks so sweet and little in there.

I miss you.

Now here I am, on the other side of the door, feeling strange that this moment just happened. Trying to process it…

Motherhood, motherhood. It just keeps happening. And it all feels so slow, till a moment like this takes my breath away and it’s like 2.5 years went by in a flash.

Despite these absurd past 2.5 years — I can slow down any part of it and breathe you in. From that tiny newborn when it was all so hard, to… you. Here. In your big kid bed.

Your brother’s arriving 6 weeks from now. I’m sure then, you’ll seem bigger than ever. We’ll have a tiny infant for scale, and be in awe of the toddler that stands before us.

Tonight’s just the latest transition, one more for the books. Each fills my heart with a soft pride and warm glow. Each makes it skip a beat — sink breathlessly for a moment before swimming back up. A deep breath.

Oh, the passing of time.

We just keep moving forward, your tiny hand in mind. Walking this life, doing the best we can.

“It is and it always will be
love.”
- Trey Anastasio

Thank you for being here.

❤︎ Leora

Read previous Hi Let’s Life letters here

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