Being a creative is a fucking curse.

I hit a milestone the other day.

I’m now at around 100,000 words published on Medium.

That’s a lot, any way you look at it. I figured it was time for one of those posts, you know-“This is what I’ve learned from publishing 100,000 words”.

The thing is, when I sat down to write that post, it felt like a waste of time. Because it would suggest that I have a clue what I’m doing.

And I really don’t.

I’m full of doubt, I’m full of worry and panic, and I’m struggling with the direction I’m moving in.

Here’s something people ask me a lot: “How do I know that being a writer and an entrepreneur is The Dream I’m meant to be following?”

That’s a great question, and I totally get why people ask it. After all, that’s the kind of question I would have desperately been seeking an answer to a few years ago.

I used to look for my calling, a lot. You hear from so many people who will tell you about the moment when they realized their life’s calling and committed themselves to following that at all costs. It’s normally pretty specific. You know these people — the ones who realized they had to be singers when they had an epiphany on a mountain top, and they love telling everyone about it.

I struggle with this all the time. There are so many things I want to do. I want to draw comic books, and write prose, and create art installations — but equally, I want to grow businesses, and explore being an entrepreneur.

When people email me to ask me how I knew what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be, I have to explain that they’ve got the wrong idea. The way the question is phrased, it pushes me to question whether or not I know, who, what and why I am.

I know it seems like I must be incredibly together, because I get a lot of things done and I write a blog that gets a lot of views — but the reality is, on any given day, I only know three things about myself:

1. I am a blogger

2. I am an entrepreneur

3. I am a creative.

If that seems vague, that’s because I’ve never been able to maintain a strong hold on any more detailed idea of who, what and why I am. I’ve never been able to define myself in some visionary way.

I have no real idea where the hell I’m going to be in 10 years, and if I told you I did know you’d be well within your rights to call me on it as a liar.

There’s such a clash, with these different areas of interest, these different things that I desperately want to do. Finding a way to marry them becomes incredibly difficult and daunting.

There’s no key to getting over that struggle. There’s no magic spell, no “One Weird Trick.”

I’ve never wanted to give away any of these parts, these interests and passions and ideas that make me who I am. And I still don’t. As my career progresses, I’m getting more and more caught up in the world of business and entrepreneurship. It’s something I’ve been involved in for the past 10 years, and I love it.

Up until the past few months, I’ve been constantly dealing with a state of panic, asking myself if I’m compromising who I am by not taking the time to fully explore all of my passions, asking myself if I even know who I am.

When I read Todd Brison’s book, The Creative’s Curse, I had an instant connection with it. He’s written beautifully about the struggles of doubt and direction I face every day, the conflict all of us who call ourselves creatives must battle against. Page by page, his work sums up what it means to make art, and how it affects us.

The Creative’s Curse doesn’t try to be a magic wand. It’s a guide, it’s going to walk next to you on the journey.

Sometimes, that’s enough.


This is the introduction I wrote for The Creative’s Curse, by Todd Brison — it’s an incredible book, and I believe in this author 100%. I think it’s fantastic, and I’d love it if you would go check it out and let him know what you think!

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