#NaNoWriMo 2017: Day Twenty-Two

High Dependency

The previous chapters can be found here: https://medium.com/high-dependency

Chapter Twenty-Two

“That was a big splash, Cosmo!” said Arno, with a huge grin. “I’m going to get you” she said, jumping in a puddle. Cosmo started to cry. “Don’t cry. You need to get me back”

The little boy’s face turned from upset to a little demonic, as he relished the chance to exact his revenge. He leapt into a large puddle and soaked himself.

“Oh, you got me really good there. I’m soaking!” exclaimed Arno, pretending she had been drenched by Cosmo.

“Cosmo! Time for lunch!” called Mrs. Firman from the doorway of her house.

Arno walked the wet, muddy little boy home. “Do you want to join us for a bite to eat?” asked Mrs. Firman.

“Yeah that would be lovely. I don’t seem to be able to hold my breakfast down at the moment” replied Arno. “No Mr. Firman?” she asked, stepping inside the roundhouse and taking a seat at the dinner table.

“He’s busying himself in the workshop, working on the building plans. We’re not getting on very well at the moment, to be honest”

“Oh dear. Why’s that?” asked Arno.

“Well we’re having a lot of arguments about what to do with C-O-S-M-O in September and whether he should go to S-C-H-O-O-L” replied Mrs. Firman, spelling out the letters so that the little boy wouldn’t understand.

“He’ll have to won’t he? It’s the law”

“Well, as long as he’s receiving an education, that’s OK. We could teach him at home”

“And what do you want to do?” asked Arno.

“I think he should be with his peers. I think it’s important for him to have friends his own age” replied Mrs. Firman.

“Am I going to see my friends?” asked Cosmo.

“No dear. We’re not talking about you. Eat your beans. There’s a good boy” said Mrs. Firman.

“What does Mr. Firman think?” asked Arno.

“Horace thinks that we came here to get away from institutions and indoctrination. He’s worried the boy won’t get the benefit of learning practical real-world skills. He wants him to live in touch with nature”

“And what do you think?”

“I want him to live in a healthy environment. It’s wonderful that he can run around in the field, even if he is covered in mud” Mrs. Firman said, pushing the little boy’s wet hair back out of his mud-spattered face. Cosmo grinned affectionately at his mother, then continued to spoon beans into his mouth.

“You can’t have both?” asked Arno.

“We used to live in a sweet little village which had a lovely primary school. It was very rural. I thought we could have a lovely life there, but it was expensive. I had to work because Horace couldn’t… or wouldn’t. Although, I can’t imagine the awful things he must have seen when he was on the force” replied Mrs. Firman.

“Why did he leave?”

“He was first on the scene where a 13-year-old boy had hanged himself. He had to cut the lifeless body down and give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation until the ambulance arrived. He was given counselling but it still haunts him to this day”

“That’s awful” said Arno.

“I know. I think it was a major reason why he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad with Cosmo. He was very protective at first”

“What do you mean at first?” asked Arno.

“Well he’s become a more and more harsh disciplinarian. That boy who committed suicide was a bit of a wild child whose parents didn’t take much of an active involvement in his upbringing. His dad was mostly absent and his mother wasn’t quite right in the head. I think Horace thought he would ensure he had a stronger bond with his son, but Cosmo seems to test his patience” replied Mrs. Firman.

“Test his patience?”

“Yes. Horace thinks the boy lacks discipline. He wants Cosmo to have perfect behaviour. He’s always reprimanding him for his manners and the way he speaks. I get cross because he’s just a little boy. He needs to play and have fun, but Horace is trying to teach him to be responsible and be adult”

“And he doesn’t respond well?” asked Arno.

“He’s a kid, isn’t he? He’s not deliberately trying to misbehave. If his concentration span isn’t as good as an adult’s, that’s because he’s only four years old. It’s so rare that we see him with other children, so we can compare how he’s developing compared with his peers” replied Mrs. Firman.

“Why is that?”

“Well, we hoped that some other families with little kids would want to join the commune, but I think most parents don’t want this kind of isolating life”

“But you wanted it?” asked Arno.

“I wanted to quit my job and spend more time with my son. Now that he’s almost school age, I’m having second thoughts”

“Am I almost old enough to go to school?” asked Cosmo excitedly.

“No dear. Not until you’re five” replied Mrs. Firman.

“But I’m five in July” said Cosmo.

“Yes you are. Hopefully it will be nice and sunny and hot by then. Now it’s all rain rain rain, isn’t it?”

“Yes. I splashed Arno” replied Cosmo, with a cheeky grin.

“Oooh, naughty”

“I’m not naughty. She splashed me first”

“You little tattle-tale” said Mrs. Firman, tickling the boy’s neck. He squealed with delight as he tried to curl himself up to protect himself against tickling fingers. “He seems very well behaved with you. You’re good with kids. Did you ever think about having your own?” she asked Arno.

“I always thought it wasn’t ethical. Kids don’t ask to be born and the world they’re inheriting is pretty messed up, isn’t it?”

“You can’t think about that. You should just do it because it’s fulfilling for you. It might make you really happy”

“No offence to you, but I can’t do it just because it might make me happy, can I? What about the child? What if the child ends up having a miserable time?”

“Well, these things happen. Nature takes its course. It’s not something we have any power to change” said Mrs. Firman.

“You’re talking like birth control and terminations don’t exist. You’re talking as if you’re completely passive in everything. You have choices. We’re not living in the Dark Ages. We know where babies come from and how to stop them”

“Yes but you’re still a woman and you can bear children. You must feel broody sometimes” said Mrs. Firman.

“There are plenty of children in the world. We don’t need any more. We’re not feeding all the ones we’ve got”

“Think about the starving African children?” asked Mrs. Firman.

“Yes. Think about the starving African children” replied Arno.

“Is that supposed to cure depression, or cause it? I can never remember” joked Mrs. Firman.

“Jan, we need to talk” said Arno, poking her head into the workshop.

“OK. Now?” Jan asked.

“Yes now” she huffily replied.

“Here?” asked Jan.

“No. In private”

“Can we go to my house? I don’t want Molly to get the wrong idea if she sees us going into your place”

“I don’t care, Jan. I need to talk to you”

Jan’s house was strewn with women’s clothing, make-up and accessories.

“So she’s moved in? That was fast work, Jan” said Arno, acidly.

“She hasn’t moved in. She’s just left a few things here”

“What the hell? Are we properly broken up then?” asked Arno.

“I thought you were pretty clear. You said we had nothing in common. You said you hated me. You told me to get out” replied Jan.

“I didn’t say I hated you”

“You wanted to break up”

“I didn’t want to break up. I wanted you to say you loved me and tell me that you didn’t want to break up. You were supposed to try and keep me, you idiot”

“So you didn’t want to break up?”

“No!” screamed Arno, with frustration. “God you’re impossible”

“So you want to get back together?” Jan asked.

“Not if you don’t love me. You don’t seem to have any feelings for me at all. You went and jumped straight into bed with Molly. What the fuck, Jan?”

“I thought you’d broken up with me” he protested.

“I’ve missed two periods, Jan”

“What does that mean? You’re late?”

“I’m not late you idiot. I’m pregnant”

“Have you done a test?”

“I don’t need to do a test. I’ve missed two periods and I’m getting morning sickness. I know I’m pregnant, Jan”

“Is it mine?”

“Ughhhhh!” she screamed with anger. “Yes. It’s yours you fucking idiot”

“How is that even possible? You’re supposed to be on the pill”

“It’s not 100% reliable. Maybe it reacted badly with some other medication I was taking. I don’t know. All I know is that my birth control hasn’t worked and I’m pregnant” said Arno.

“Are you going to keep it?” asked Jan.

“It wasn’t part of the plan. I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure if I should tell you. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to become a dad”

“You haven’t decided?”

“No I haven’t decided. I wanted to know what was going on with us. We haven’t talked about us. You’ve been avoiding me”

“I haven’t been avoiding you. I didn’t think there was any ‘us’ anymore. I thought you broke up with me” said Jan.

“So you went off and started fucking Molly. Is it serious?”

“Is what serious?”

“You and Molly. Is it a serious relationship? Do you love her?” asked Arno.

“I don’t know. It’s all so new. This is all too much”

“Did you love me?”

“Yeah I think I did. I don’t know”

“You didn’t seem that upset about breaking up” said Arno.

“I was upset, but, you always seem to know exactly what you want. Who am I to argue with you?”

“I made a mistake, Jan. I was angry with you”

“You didn’t want to break up?”

“For the millionth time NO!” yelled Arno.

“I don’t know how to feel about this. I’m not going to say I’ve moved on, but things are complicated. What do you want me to say?” asked Jan.

“I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if I want this baby. I don’t know if I want to get back together. Life’s gotten very complicated. I was hoping you’d have some strong feelings one way or another, because I can’t decide” replied Arno.

“I need some time to think” said Jan.

The next chapter can be found here: https://medium.com/high-dependency