Meet Lex Showunmi, The Conflict Management Guru

Lex Showunmi began his career in security before transitioning into business ownership.

3S Partnerships supports fellow businesses in conflict management dedicated to raising their conflict intelligence. Here we find out how Lex came to work in this field and how he inspires others to overcome adversity.

You grew up in a dysfunctional and challenging household. You also suffered from depression and bulimia in your teens. How did these experiences influence your career choice?

I don’t think any of the above had a bearing on my career choice as such. Security wasn’t what I wanted to do in the beginning. I was planning on pursuing a career in music initially, and security was a side-line to earn some money while I worked on becoming a rap superstar.

The most significant influence on my career as a security professional has been my protective nature. As a child, I always looked out for people who were vulnerable or getting bullied — I cannot stand bullies. For instance, when I was 7 or 8 years old, a girl in my class had a condition that caused green wax to drip from her ears. A child from another class was teasing and pushing her, and I stepped in to shove him away. His older brother came out of the toilet, saw me pushing his little brother and quickly jumped to the wrong conclusion. Yes, I ended up in a fight with both brothers.

This innate protectiveness is what made me stand out in security as I wanted to keep people safe wherever I worked. I’ve always been a friendly person, so the two together made me unique in a time when door supervisors were called bouncers. Especially when some less than dubious individuals owned security companies and even more dubious characters ran the establishments.

As a trainer and conflict management facilitator, you help companies to create harmonious environments and increase their revenues. How did you gain this knowledge and develop these skills?

The knowledge and skills to unlock the hidden value in businesses were honed working as a London Door Supervisor. The first moment when the knowledge and skills came together successfully was in 2003. I was headhunted to lead a team of door supervisors at a venue which was having issues with their clientele and needed clear direction with a firm hand on the tiller.

After an initial assessment, I implemented changes in policy and procedures that raised customer expectations and behaviour. I also changed the way security interacted with members of the public. Mainly, we showed customers the response we wanted by displaying good manners, customer care and friendly communication ourselves, which transformed the existing narrative. Alongside the friendly meet and greet, I insisted that security open and close doors for everyone going in and out as it subtly indicated a touch of class. Door staff still had to be firm with individuals who wouldn’t comply, but it was from here that I developed my ‘Assertive Niceness’ approach which plays a huge role in our conflict management and security services today.

The biggest resistance to change did not come from the customers, but the manager who was under pressure to meet targets while we weeded out the troublemakers. I reassured him that in 6 weeks, the next time the bar was full, he’d be making money and have no trouble. When that day came, the manager who used to be consumed by the stress of possibly losing his license due to all the trouble, walked up to me with a big smile on his face saying, “this is nice, isn’t it?”.

2003 was my turning point; I’ve since gone on to have even more significant successes unlocking hidden value for businesses. One that stands out is a venue I looked after in Camden. The bar began taking an extra £40,000 per week within 18 months as a direct consequence of a strategy I implemented in January 2008. By the summer of 2010, it had its first £100,000 week. The size of the increased revenue in Camden was atypical for sure, but the strategy is proven to work.

What is the most common type of conflict you see in the corporate world?

Leadership-based conflict from authoritarian management styles which demotivate employees. A close second is micromanaging. Both show a lack of trust in staff and their abilities, which can lead to resentment and low morale.

Ultimately, it comes down to self-worth. A leader whose worth is determined by accomplishments they’ve had a direct hand in, also known as ‘leaving fingerprints’, may find it hard to allow others to have the spotlight. Once they realise the success of their team reflects favourably on them and is a testament to their leadership skills, they start to loosen the reins. Coaching and mentoring are essential here.

Successful leaders, entrepreneurs and managers are great at their jobs. Helping them to become articulate in managing conflict is just one of the ways I can help them on their journey. Toxic relationships and environments can do much damage to an organisation if not handled correctly.

Among some personal challenges, you cite getting stabbed and shot while on duty. Did these events change your outlook on life and the people around you?

I’m not sure it’s possible to get shot and stabbed, on different occasions, and not to have the trauma change your outlook on life. “I got shot in ’92 when I was 21, and there’s no need for me to say that s#!% weren’t fun”. This line comes from a poem I wrote a few years ago. I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder for a few years afterwards but refused to go on antidepressants or to give up on life. I went back to work at the place where I got shot when it reopened around seven months later as I didn’t want to live with the fear of what happened so faced it head-on.

Looking back, this was a crazy thing to do, but I learnt so much about the human condition, both good and bad, that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, if I could go back, I would choose not to get shot or stabbed, but one of the highest qualities a person can possess is to accept things as they are and then decide what to do next. I chose life. I decided to persevere and to learn. I made a conscious decision to face my fears and to be bigger than my circumstances. I’m now running my own business and using my unique insights of conflict management to unlock the hidden value in my clients and their people. Who’d have thought it?

What is one habit that makes you more productive as an entrepreneur?

For me, it’s maintaining a learner mindset! Towards the end of 2014, around 18 months into running 3S Partnerships, I had a lightbulb moment. I realised I needed business support to become a successful entrepreneur. I attended workshops, networking events, seminars, meet the buyers and signed up to accelerators and many enterprise sessions. After 18 months, I reached information overload. I was unrecognisable from the person who started 3S Partnerships as a security services provider back in March 2013. Knowledge in action equals power, and I try to learn and implement lessons every single day. I learn most from the people who come to learn from me — their life stories can be quite poignant and humbling at times.

What are your core values?

Respect — Lead with respect for everyone. If others respond differently, so be it

Integrity — Do what you say, say what you do. Everything else is simply noise

Honesty — This should be with everyone. Some people are resistant to this so in this instance, go to respect.

Trust — No trust, no relationship. It’s as simple as that

Family — These can be direct (blood) or indirect (outer). Take care of your people, and they’ll take care of you.

Accountability — Life is not fair, and bad things do happen. Take responsibility for what happens next.

Being a successful human — A successful human being impacts others in a positive manner which does not always relate to your bank balance. Man made money; money never made a man.

Do you have any role models that have inspired you throughout your career?

Muhammad Ali — he had charisma to kill, personality for days and gave up the best years of his career for his principles. He was vilified but fell on the right side of history when all told. He became a human and sporting legend with his exploits in the ’70s, because of his never say die attitude and indomitable spirit. He brought people together when his fights were on TV. Each one was an occasion from start to finish and even in the commentary afterwards. I remember our house being full of laughter, excitement and a sense of fun whenever he fought. In the 1970s his face may just have been more well known than Jesus, as he famously once said about himself.

What are your plans for the future, either professionally or personally?

2019 is all about taking our conflict management training, workshops, coaching and mentoring national and international. The aim is to keep helping leaders and their teams to transform their beliefs around themselves and to increase their conflict intelligence. I want to do more speaking around mindset, motivation, people engagement and of course, conflict management. I genuinely believe emotional intelligence and conflict management are for the masses. When you interweave the wisdom of our techniques into your language and actions, you absorb skills that not only help you professionally but personally as well.

My life has been about overcoming the odds, and I want to continue that in the business world. My mindset has helped me to overcome a traumatic past and will help me conquer any future obstacles.

Leadership-based conflict from authoritarian management styles demotivates
employees

Some people are resistant to this so
in this instance,
go to respect