My Fellow Americans, Today I Am Announcing My Candidacy for President of the United States of America
My Fellow Americans,
Today, I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States of America. As there is too much bullshit in political discourse, I will keep this announcement simple and to the point.
As an independent, I acknowledge the challenges of running without the backing of a major party. Therefore, I am simultaneously announcing the formation of The American Independent Non-Party, also known as the Tom Kirkman/Kiefer Sutherland Party.
Many of you may be familiar with this party concept from the popular television series Designated Survivor, where Tom Kirkman, portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland, exemplified certain core principles.
In the spirit of Tom Kirkman’s vision, our movement is built upon four foundational pillars:
- Socially Progressive
- Fiscally Conservative
- Strong on Defense
- Fuck Partisanship
These principles will serve as the guiding force of The American Independent Non-Party and the cornerstone of my platform. I believe in advancing social progress, maintaining fiscal responsibility, ensuring national security, and most importantly, moving beyond the divisive partisanship that hinders our nation’s progress.
If you share these ideals and wish to support this endeavor, you may make donations to my PayPal account at sound4image@hotmail.com. These funds will be used to establish The American Independent Non-Party, also known as the Tom Kirkman/Kiefer Sutherland Party.
Should this request for contributions inadvertently conflict with any federal laws — of which I am currently unaware — you have my word that all monies contributed will be donated to nonprofits dedicated to caring for abandoned animals.
God Bless, Goddess Bless, Spirits Bless, and dead agnostic Carl Sagan bless these United States of America.
