Holidating Rulebook: How to Make It Work
Because casual arrangements can be seriously complicated
While some people think holidating can’t work, others argue that you just have to know how to make it work (wink-wink, friends with benefits). If you want to try holidating and wonder how to make it successful, here are 6 holidating rules you should follow.
Be upfront
Whether it’s an exclusive relationship, a friends with benefits situation, or holidating, you should always be upfront with each other. The other person may be totally unaware of something that seems obvious to you. To make any arrangement work out, it needs to be mutual. Otherwise, we all believe what we want to believe and keep feeding our illusions. If you’re someone who initiates a casual arrangement such as holidating, tell them what exactly you are looking for. Then there will be a higher chance that it will work out and no one will get hurt.
Make sure you can handle it
More often than not, casual arrangements get messy. So if you’ve got a lot on your plate right now and want to add a holidating situation to the mix, it might not be the best idea. Whatever scenario you two decide to follow, make sure you can handle it. Holidating requires following the rules, respecting the other person’s personal space, and being an agreeable companion in social settings. If you aren’t ready for it, then it’s not worth it.
Set some rules and make sure you’re both okay with them
A good rulebook never hurts, especially in unusual (un)romantic arrangements. Holidating is not that common, so you’ll have to come up with the rules yourself. Usually, a holidating relationship is platonic and doesn’t involve kissing or hooking up. That’s why it might be better to holidate someone you’re not physically attracted to. If you’re looking for something more than just a kindred spirit at the dinner table, go ahead, but again, make sure you’re both on the same page.
Don’t try to fool yourself
When the object of our infatuation doesn’t seem to reciprocate our feelings, we sometimes agree to lower our expectations and try something more casual. However, that’s an express train to the heartbreak station. You might not like how you feel about them, but you know what you feel, so don’t try to fool yourself. If you’re in love with them and all they want is a few platonic hangouts, don’t expect them to change their mind at some point. It’s not fair to them or to yourself.
Discus your celebration styles in advance
This one is a bit more technical, so it gets overlooked quite often. The holiday season is different for everyone. For some people, it might involve spending a week in the countryside with their parents and 5 younger siblings. For others, it is fancy luncheons with their aunts and uncles accompanied by fancy outfits and expensive gifts. That’s why it’s extremely important that your holidate knows what they’re getting themselves into. Besides, try to choose someone who will get along with your family. If your holidate is into music and cinema, but all your family talks about is fishing and hunting, then it might not work very well.
Be a good friend
Although it’s called holidating, in reality, it is more like “holifriending”, so don’t forget to be a good friend. If you have decided to try holidating, chances are holidays are a tough time for you. Maybe your family is far away, and you are stuck alone for the holidays. Or you don’t get along with your relatives, and every family gathering leaves you drained and hurt. Whatever the reason, let your holidate know about it. This way, when the time comes, they will know what to expect and will be able to support you. And when your holidate is “on your territory”, try to make them feel welcomed.
Finally, if you’re not sure about holidating, but you know holidays won’t be easy, consider just bringing a friend. Sure, you might catch a few glances from your family members and get some questions about your “friendship”, but at least you’ll have someone who gets you by your side.
