The Only Thing That Matters in a Startup

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Joseph Campbell

When I decided to start Torch, I had no idea it would feel like having a fourth child. I’ve lost more sleep in the past two years than I have with my three real children…COMBINED! Torch is incredibly demanding and doesn’t give a shit if I have personal needs like little league games to attend, a mortgage to pay, parents to visit, eating right, or exercising. Zero shits.

I said ‘yes’ to starting this company because I deeply believe in the mission of what we’re doing — making the internet a wonderful place for kids to grow up. Having lived through the confusion and powerlessness of being a very non-techy parent raising a very techy kid in a very techy world, I feel constantly at odds with culture. I have shed many tears over the past few years because, to put it simply, I felt like I was losing my son to an obsession I knew nothing about — technology.

Torch has given me some handles on my fear and has taught me to have empathy for my son and celebrate his interests.

Torch has also taught me a very important lesson about life, as our children often do. It has taught me:

What does it mean to run towards the roar?

Most people don’t know this, but it’s the lioness, not the lion, that hunts the prey. And there’s an interesting occurrence that happens in the African Sahara to aid in the hunt. When gazelles and other prey are at the watering hole, the lion will stand nearby and let out a ferocious roar meant to scare the prey to run away. They think by running the other way — away from the roar — they will run to safety. What they don’t know is that the lioness is strategically standing by on the other side of the watering hole — precisely where they prey are running toward — ready to attack. If they would only have counter-intuitively ran toward the roar, they would be saved.

I can’t think of a better metaphor for the courage it takes to start and build a company. There are so many rational reasons not so start something, but the impulse to do something extremely risky takes a level of courage not dissimilar from running into a lion’s roar. To head straight toward something that you think may kill you turns out to be the thing that saves you.

This is certainly true for me.

Since starting Torch, I have taken more risks, charted more unknown territory, felt like absolute shit about myself, cried more tears, and never felt more afraid. I’ve put my family’s life savings on the line, sacrificed more relationships than I care to admit, as well as my reputation as a competent leader.

But with every challenge, I’ve felt myself grow more and more confident. And I believe that confidence is the one thing I need in order to grow and “be saved.” And I can only get more confident by going through the challenges. I really, really wish there were another way, but there isn’t.

My top four fears:

1. I will look stupid.
2. People will say I don’t know what I’m doing.
3. Business will turn me into a bitch.
4. I will regret time lost with my family.

There have been times when all of these fears have come true. Every single one of them have happened for me while starting Torch, and they will continue to happen.

But the alternatives to these fears seem far worse:

1. I won’t take risks.
2. I will stay small.
3. I will stay “nice.”
4. I will be an unhappy mother and not model for my kids to do work they love.

They say that the hero’s journey for a man is proving his worth to his tribe and the hero’s journey for a woman is proving her strength to herself. And when the journey is over, we return home with the elixir — the great stories and the learnings from our journey.

I’m still on the journey, so I don’t have the elixir yet. But if I had to bet money, I bet it would be this:

Lean into the things of which you’re most afraid. Run towards the roar. My list is above, but make your own list. Conquering these fears will lead you to your greatest lessons. It will require more courage than you think you have, but it is through the action and the doing that you find your courage.

And it’s the courage to be vulnerable enough to grow and learn that will ultimately save you.

How’d this make you feel? Let us know in the comments below!