You Are Nice: Children, Aristotle, and the Pursuit of Happiness
At what age do we stop telling people exactly what we think, or paying people compliments just because?
According to the children from the school I visited yesterday, I am nice. This statement isn’t so much about me as a person though, but it’s about how children view the world and the people around them.
Kids tell it how it is. If they like someone, they will let them know, or just hug them a lot. They may get angry with a friend and stop playing with them for fifteen minutes, but eventually they don’t care and they don’t hold petty grudges (okay, often their fights are petty, but what’s important is they get over it).
Children aren’t as fearful to share their feelings, because they see the world as a kind, forgiving place. They aren’t scared of trying new things because they haven’t experienced constant pain or rejection. They don’t have as far to fall, literally and figuratively. They have less at stake, and less to risk.
As we grow older we gain more knowledge (hopefully). But, the more we know, the harder it is to let go. What I mean is, we start learning that people aren’t accepting of everything. We witness rejection, pain, and unhappiness. We learn what these things mean. We see adults modeling cruelty, being unforgiving, controlling and stubborn, and we learn that this is what makes us strong and independent; forgiveness too soon is deemed weak. At some point the rose petal is no longer beautiful because we have seen many other things that are more beautiful. Children see each tiny aspect of the world as magical. Every color is special in its own way, each name of a pet is intriguing, even numbers are cool. But the more they see, the more they forget the beauty in simplicity. How can a rose petal compete with The Sims?
This is why I love teaching. I am able to enter a world where the littlest thing is fascinating and special. What I normally take for granted is still a treat to them. When I enter their world I don’t need to impress anyone, but am immediately accepted. I can be weird, I can talk about simple things, and I can sing despite my terrible voice. They say ignorance is bliss, so a child’s world is blissful. I am by no means saying children aren’t intelligent. I believe them to be smarter than I most of the time. But, they possess a different intelligence. They understand people because they spend so much time observing people. They understand compassion and kindness because it feels good to give. They understand how to live a happy life because they haven’t learned anything different. They understand that learning is fun! Of course, not all children have this gift; some are tainted too soon. But, children from good, healthy, happy homes where they are provided freedom, trust and respect seem to possess these abilities. And I think it’s my job to help the other children find their way to this type of living; to reveal the greatness of the world and guide them to not be afraid of falling.
In the movie, The God’s Must Be Crazy, you see a civilization based on the principle of goodness. It isn’t until a single, foreign object falls from the sky that their happiness is disturbed. This object is a simple bottle, but it is unfamiliar to them and the fact that there is only one of it and many of them instills a sense of greed in the people. Eventually the tribal leader decides to throw the bottle off the end of the earth, in order to restore their previous happiness. In many ways this tribe represents the mind-set of children and humanity in general. It isn’t until competition and greed are introduced that we learn to be unhappy. Without the knowledge that the bottle existed, the tribe had no reason to feel greed, and therefore no reason to be unhappy.
This directly relates to what Aristotle wrote in Nicomachean Ethics (350 BCE) about the two forms of happiness. Eudaimonia is the idea of living well through intrinsic pursuits including courage, generosity, wisdom, building good relationships, among others. Many times hedonia, happiness in the form of pleasure, can actually disrupt one’s path towards eudaimonic living. Hedonia may deceive someone by blinding them to the truth in certain circumstances. In the case of the bottle, the tribe was deceived by the emergence of the bottle, thinking that with it they could experience more pleasure (through music-making or other ways in which they used it) and therefore they could be happier. The reality of the situation was that the bottle was a mere object interfering with their happiness. Their true happiness came from sharing and being just towards each other. It wasn’t until the bottle was disposed of that they could resume their pursuit towards eudaimonic living; or authentic living. To each person eudaimonic living differs based on ones own “golden mean,” but I think it is beneficial for each person to be aware of what it is for him/herself. In addition, Aristotle explains the highest virtue is rational contemplation, for this allows one to be self-sustaining. Rational contemplation is in many ways an end in itself (it doesn’t rely or exist for external apparatus), which is why it so closely relates to eudaimonia. Thus, eudaimonia isn’t a state of being, rather it is a process and a goal. Aristotle states:
For as it is not one swallow or one fine day that makes a spring, so it is not one day or a short time that makes a man blessed and happy… (Nicomachean Ethics, 1098a18)
Recently I felt like their was something missing in my own happiness. I couldn’t understand it. I have an absolutely incredible life here in Finland. I wasn’t necessarily unhappy, there was just an absence of something. What I eventually realized was this is the longest amount of time I have gone without being in frequent contact with children. During college there would be spouts of time when I wasn’t with kids, but I would quickly return home to my brother and my work. Here my goal is to better myself, which in turn will better my teaching. The end-goal is to help children, but temporarily I am helping myself. Because I am not often in contact with children, I can sometimes forget the happiness that comes in little packages through simple curiosity. Interaction with children is what allows me to live a life towards eudaimonia by remembering the beauty in the little things. There are plenty of times when the bottle hits me on my head and temporarily blots my vision; the scenery becomes the same, the days monotonous, the pressure to constantly do something weighs heavy. However, then I am reminded to live life like a child (in terms of curiosity, contemplation, wonderment, and acceptance) and everything gets better. The world is nice, and that’s what matters.
Aristotle. (1934). The Nicomachean Ethics (Vol. 19) (H. Rackham,
Trans.).Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
