Betrayed by Silence, Impaled by Fear — Diary of the Victims

Day 9,

Eyes blurred in anger, thoughts buried beyond reason. I plunged deeply into her like arrows fired, revelling in the satisfaction of each pained cries I drew from her lips. Red paint enveloped my hands like a work of art tracing the deep gouges of scars that needed avenging. One single cord of mindless determination resonated through the cells of my being, and it was a cry of vengeance. An unspeakable sin has been committed and someone had to pay. This is how truth was murdered.

16 seconds, I remember counting with my breath tied to my nose. 16 seconds, I remember every second like it just like happened. That was all it took for everything I built my heart around to unravel. I remember my mind stalling, confused and unable to process the words that flew into my ears.

What happened after, was driven only by the buried emotions that breaking unleashes. I was so unravelled that sorrow felt me a lost cause so she surrendered me to despair. How I got here? Let’s deep dive.

6 months ago, I met a beauty who made the rainbow jealous. She had a presence that seduces the earth to hug her shadow. My first gaze of her was permeated through my ears, as she coerced budding flowers to bloom. The soles of my feet swam the distance of minutes in seconds. As my heart sort entranced for her intoxicating melody.

My eyes disbelieved what they saw and my brain couldn’t comprehend the existence of a person whose beauty words couldn’t quantify. “Are you an Angel?” Words poured out before, my mind even recognized what I had said. Her smile melted my insides into ice cream pudding intoxicated with sweetness “What if was?” she replied.

I felt like I had grown a decade in the few seconds I took to sputter “God sent you to me?” her smile widened stretching the red tinge of her cheeks “What if I was ?” I gaped stupidly at her like a planted tree, my muscles too tense to move. My eyes followed her graceful motion, target locked as she approached.

“Will you be mine?” I coughed out. Seconds later I realized what I had said because she stopped instantly just inches from my face. She looked deep into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity and said “maybe, once I get to know you” and then she stretched her hands. Later I would regret and curse this moment, wishing I had run so fast that the flat of my feet brushed my skull.

I grabbed her cotton soft hand, mentally chastising my hand for shaking as I introduced myself. That was the beginning of the end, an end that saw my heart join Dracula’s field of impaled enemies.

I tore apart every inch of the house searching for what I knew I killed. We have been together 5 months now, things fell like perfect dominos from that blissful afternoon I met her in the garden. Or at least it was until this morning when everything unravelled.

I awoke to the smell of pancakes and brewing coffee, a smile crept into the corners of my mind as I imagined how she looked irresistibly beautiful in my shirt as she danced and hummed sexily around my kitchen. I walked in while she set the table, dressed and ready for work, I hugged her from behind and kissed her on the cheek. “Morning Angel?” I whispered. She smiles, turned and kissed me as I sat for breakfast.

The odds were a thousand to one, but I rolled the one. On my way to work, I felt eyes throwing daggers at my back. I doubled my pace hoping to outmanoeuvre my stalker only to run full chested into a hungry pickpocket. I had to report the incident, but on arriving at the police station I discovered a mystery.

6 inches to the right, northeast, my eyes locked on a picture sketched to the perfection of My Girlfriends and just below it words read “Serial Heart Breaker”. I don’t know how long I stared, but I realized I was moving when the ground ran before me.

I tore the house apart searching for answers I won’t find. I knew somewhere down in my mind that I buried and killed it a long time ago because of fear of losing her. Now that things were unravelling, my mind didn’t bend to reason. I sought smokes where the fire long died.

The door shook on its hinges but I didn’t turn, she took in the damage and understanding crept into the sadness in her eyes. All I said was “Why?” My breath hung unmoving as her answers spilt into the atmosphere. Her words fell like stone daggers until my heart ceased at the 16th thud.

Betrayed by the silence I held so preciously. Blinded by what I had that I didn’t reason to change what was wrong. Hands restrained in the cycle of voiceless acceptance, ogling in bitter appraisal at the familiar self I helped destroy.

As high as honour and as deep as humility, I died under the weight of words I failed to express. My tongue wrapped in thorns and my words hidden behind the veil of fear. I walked on the empty air of dread, hopping over every mountain of peace and sanity until my soul was too scared to continue.