Self-Hate Is Suicide

The mind is a limitless universe filled with unfettered beauty, unspoken dangers and boundless wonders. A being inhabits this world unnoticed but known, this being lives as our alter ego with a critical inner voice. This isn’t a stranger it’s a part of us embedded since we were children, making it a tussle when we attempt to recognize it.

Self-hate is an underlying feeling that is created by this inner voice. This doesn’t just happen to some particular people it materialises in all of us, though more prominent in some than in others. This voice gave birth to the expression ‘you are your own worst enemy’ due to the fact that this ‘alter ego’ of ours produces negative underlying emotion that makes us think we aren’t just good enough.

When the inner being becomes a shadow criticizing you at every turn or waiting to disgrace you when you commit errors, understand then that self-hate has become the epidemic that would most definitely destroy you. If you haven’t beheld the festering of self-hate, it may seem foreign that our mind whispers in such a destructive manner.

The effect of self-hate is very disparaging because it is right behind everyone’s firewall spewing criticism from within. Worse still, no one really knows what a person is experiencing, neither do they know where it comes from. The question of ‘how best to help’ is then left unanswered because its deeper than eyes could see.

Our alter ego isn’t always an enemy, because many try too hard to fight it. Many end up not only failing but destroying themselves in the fighting process. The fact is self-hate was created by the inner voice but it didn’t just get there something caused it. Self-hate doesn’t bloom overnight, it is cultivated over time and influenced by many thoughts and decisions. These include:

Old tragic memories (past traumas)

Early traumatic experiences such as sexual molestation (rape), physical or emotional abuse, neglect or harmful opinions directed at us by parents are internalized to make up our self-image. Our critical voice influences us in different ways especially in children, because of their acute sensitivity to pain and negative circumstances. A child, as a result, tends to take on the anger, fear, self-hatred, and the whole complex of emotions surrounding a bitter memory.

Unrealistic expectations from oneself

Yes, we tend as a human to seek things that are generally unattainable. These extraordinary expectations when unmet often cause us to feel as if we are failures.

A perfectionist mindset

When you train your mind to be above error, emotional damage surfaces when there is a deviation from the perfected view you envision. This is because there isn’t wiggle room for human mistake and the uncertainties in a purist mind, which are absolutely almost unavoidable.

Living with a confirmation bias:

If you hate yourself without any particular concrete reason you might have a confirmation bias. Often time those who exhibit self-hate due to the confirmation bias have a long list of things they despise about themselves. This is because when you strongly believe something the mind has a tendency to search for evidence that supports that belief while simultaneously ignoring flaws of such evidence. So even though one thinks he has many flaws the truth might be that only two out of their long list of flaws hold verity.

Traits, thoughts and actions that can be considered as symptoms of self-hate also include:

Lack of care for one’s physical appearance

Neglect of basic personal hygiene sometimes point to hating oneself. This is because most ‘self-haters’ don’t care. They tend to feel they don’t deserve to look or feel “good”.

Self-sacrifice

Self-haters sometimes commit self sacrifice in order to appear honourable. This is usually so that others will take pity on them and value them for their martyrdom. Since they can’t drum up any feelings of pride for themselves, they gain a measure of self worth by suffering, even if the actions they take are destroying them and everyone around them.

Self-isolation

Expectedly, ‘self-haters’ feel they won’t be accepted. They convince themselves that nobody else understands them, and they’ll just spend time alone.

Alcoholism and drug abuse

This is a common escape route for so many these days. Intoxicants work wonders in numbing painful or undesirable emotions for fleeting moments but make users feel completely awful the next. Most ‘self-haters’ tend to end up getting drunk repeated just for the ‘effect’.

Relationship sabotage

They feel they don’t deserve love, or beauty, or kindness. Some even abandon and ghost their lovers or family, even if they really love them and want to be with them so that they wouldn’t get too close. This is because they think it would free them from the hurt they might possibly inflict.

“Acceptance is not the dark surrender of drowning. It’s the liberation of swimming with life’s current, not fighting it, not reaching towards the ocean floor with one hand, but just letting things flow.”

Self-hate is a poison that kills, and if you don’t fight it, you complicit in suicide without realizing it. Whatever might have caused the hate to brew so wild in your mind, it isn’t going to be solved by having an even nasty perception of yourself. Learn and strive to offer a hand of friendship to yourself, like a close friend put every effort to help yourself out of the well of self-destruction you dug unconsciously.

Knowing that you have a being within you gives you power. Don’t let a bitter inner voice define you, you have the ability in your own right to control and convert it to your benefit. Acquiesce to the voice-controlled emotion, will tear you down or push you too close to the sun that you get scorched. Adopting honest self-reflection and reversing the confirmation bias will enable you to think more clearly and objective in a situation where you could have self-destructed.

Self-hatred immobilizes us, by unburdening your mind of the negative load. It becomes easier to swim to the surface making you freer to express ourselves and the life we are living from an empowered viewpoint. Lifelong change comes from a place of compassion and nurturing. We have to let go of the hate to advance, and self-acceptance is the first step to releasing yourself and your beauty.

Blanc