The Christmas Creep

A Thanksgiving Poem

My name is William Bradford

And it’s 1626

I’m headed for the new world

Because England’s full of dicks.

The journey has been perilous

Across the endless sea.

A whale nearly knocked us out

And almost spilled our tea.

But we made it to America

And built this little town.

The natives here are cool as shit.

They’re ready to throw down.

They've brought us pie and turkeys,

This party’s pretty hopping.

But none of you remember that

Because you’ve already gone shopping.

No one gives a shit about

Thanksgiving anyway.

Now you just consider it

The day before Black Friday.

Don’t worry about all that freedom

From the tyranny we were fleeing.

Don’t worry about our years of toil.

To create your whole American being.

But an LCD for 90 bucks?

Go give them all your money!

We only froze our asses

To found this fucking country.

So fuck it. Shop til you drop.

That’s real American living.

Am I the only one around

who gives a fuck about Thanksgiving?