How to deal with negative people in your life
There are people who fill you up and people who drain you out. Sometimes we get to choose who we interact with, other times it is out of our control.
It can be the smallest interactions that affect us. If you’re not capable of recognising this and stopping it short when it happens, suddenly the plug is pulled and your bath of energy starts to drain.
You’re at the checkout and the cashier makes a comment about packing faster, you’re driving home and another driver curses at you for getting in their way, you’re walking the dog and passer-by is mad your dog wanted to say hello. These are daily interactions that can be extremely draining and aggravating.
It can feel like an intrusion, an invasion of your personal space, your mind space. Mind your own business is something I often wish I had the courage to say.
But then I have to remind myself that this negative energy is not coming from a positive space. Maybe the other person had a bad day, we all have them. Or maybe they’ve had a bad year, or decade. It’s unfortunate that they dispose of their negative energy on others. One could say it’s inconsiderate. But when you are in a bad space you loose perspective and self reflection.
Instead of allowing your mind to engage, just stop. Take a deep breath. And try to remember what you were thinking about before this negative interaction. It will be really hard as your mind will keep trying to spiral down the drain. You need to actively give it something else to focus on, so take it seriously and recall every detail of your previous thoughts.
If you have the capacity in that moment you can also try to practice forgiveness and understanding. But if this just causes more emotions to rise, just move on and focus on recalling what you were thinking before.
The other type of negative interactions we experience are with family members or close friends. We have all either experienced this first hand or know people who have. It can be tormenting and very sad.
These are the people who know us the best, who we care about the most. The people with whom we want to share our life and all it’s exciting journeys.
You bought a new (old) car and the only thing they can say is it will break down and cost you more money than it’s worth. You have a business idea you’re excited about but the only thing they can say is it wont work. You got a promotion and the immediate response is you’re not up to the added stress.
In order to keep a relationship, we must share and communicate. However our endless optimism that others can change their thought pattern will wear us down. Being optimistic and giving people another chance often leads to yet another disappointment.
So how do we maintain a relationship without getting hurt ourselves?
Share when you are not seeking validation so you can allow the comments to just pass by. Make sure you are in a solid mental state, otherwise avoid sharing at that time. Decide what you really want to share and what you can keep for yourself, or for your positive relationships.
Accepting that you cannot talk freely with a family member or close friend can be very hard. Especially because most likely at some point in your life you could. We all change throughout the course of our lives and sometimes that means we drift apart from loved ones. Stay focused on your path and you will find the right people to join you.
Spend time with people who fill you up. Sometimes time alone may be a better choice than allowing yourself to be drained.
Be kind to yourself, be kind to others xx
