Firing a friend.

People ask me frequently if I’ve ever had to fire people.

The answer is yes.

They follow up by asking me if I’ve ever had to fire a friend.

The answer is also yes.

Today I met with a client, we’ll call him Bill, who frantically sent me a text last night needing an emergency Saturday meeting. Not that weird, we always meet on Saturdays, but he was upset. The first thing he said when he sat down was, “I have to fire my best friend and I can’t, can you?” Normally, my answer would be yes. I’ve been hired by a few people just to fire their friends, but my purpose for working with this client isn’t to do the hard work for him. He wants to be a CEO, not someone who stumbled onto a business and has everyone else do the hard work. My entire strategy for him is to have him face the parts of being a CEO that no one talks about. How to deal with layoffs because you had a bad quarter, how to restructure, how to demote, how to promote, and, in this case, how to break up with your best friend as a business associate without tarnishing the friendship.

It’s not easy. Most founders start a business with their friends because they need to surround themselves with people who support them and believe in them. It’s more about the emotional than the practical. You figure out the business together and grow into that business together. However, in some cases, as your business grows that best friend who you made your right hand or top executive is no longer what your business needs. When you were fighting balls to the wall and it was you and that friend up until 3AM trying to make the impossible possible, it all made sense. But one day, it may not work anymore. This is the predicament Bill was in. That same best friend who helped build his idea into a business was now bringing harm to what he was trying to grow. Showing up late, not living up to the expectations put on other employees, and, most importantly, fighting Bill every step of the way as he tried to put structure into the day to day of the business so that they could grow and scale.

This isn’t the first time we’ve talked about Bill’s bestie. We’ve been talking about him. Strategizing on how to get him on board, but the conversations kept ending the same way between them, a yelling match. Two leaders not talking for days on end, and the team was sensing the struggle. Your leaders can’t be at war with each other, the team doesn’t feel comfort when the leaders can’t get along. I asked Bill the same question I always do when we get to this point of discussion about his best friend, what is he bringing to the business?

But, unlike the weeks prior, Bill answered simply, “Nothing. He isn’t the same person I started this business with. He’s hurting us. Bringing down morale. I can’t lose my team now. He’s our weakest link.”

So, the answer, in my opinion, is pretty simple, “let him go.” But, it’s never that easy. It’s his best friend. They’ve been through war and back twice, two bankruptcies, three failed launches, 2 broken engagements…it’s not that easy for Bill to just let his friend go. I understand that. It’s easy for me to walk in a room and fire Bill’s friend. I have no emotional tie to him, but this was Bill’s challenge; he didn’t want to take the easy way out. He also didn’t want his friend to feel that he wasn’t appreciated for what he had brought to the business. And in order to do that, Bill had to be the one to let him go as a business associate.

I have five tips when it comes to firing someone you’re close to professionally and personally:

1. Remember, it’s not about you. This is something to consider anytime you let someone go, but especially if they’re a friend. It’s not about your feelings in this moment. Don’t use phrases such as “I feel” or “I’m upset” or anything that speaks to your feelings. It’s about them. They’re the one losing a job, losing what they know, and they are the ones who will have to figure out what comes next. Not you.
2. Know your facts. Know what they haven’t been delivering on and why. You’re letting them go because of their performance so know what parts of their performance aren’t up to par. Keep it to facts. Again, don’t utter the phrases such as “I feel” or “I think” — it’s not about your feelings. Keep it to facts. You know why you’re letting them go, don’t question those facts.
3. Prepare yourself for them to be angry. In the odd event where they aren’t mad, celebrate, but the chances of their being shouted words or even tears is pretty high. They’re going to take it personally no matter how business focused you make it. It’s natural. So prepare for it. Don’t feed into. Now isn’t a time to yell back, but be prepared to be yelled at. They’re going to be upset.
4. Iterate that it’s not personal but business. It sounds harsh, but the more you take the emotion out of it, the more likely they are to see where you’re coming from. It’s the hardest thing to do because your personal connection is so deeply engrained in the business, but it’s important for you to drive home the fact that it wasn’t personal. Mention what they helped build but also speak on why they aren’t right for the business anymore.
5. Give them time and space. This person is still going to be your friend if this is handled correctly but allow them time to be your friend again. They may not answer your calls and texts for weeks on end, but they are figuring out their life. Give them time. It’s hard to go from building something to not being apart of that something. You’ll want to reach out, but once you’ve checked in with no response, give them time to get back to you.

It’s never easy firing people. It’s especially hard when that person is close to you outside of the business, but it’s a harsh reality when you’re trying to grow something. So prepare for it, and know that it won’t be the only hard challenge you face throughout the lifespan of your business.