Down Madison

“When do you become yourself?”

The first kid gets all the pomp and circumstance.

They get the fresh wooden toys from Europe.

They get the educational videos.

They have everyone in the house super sanitizing their hands against diseases not known this century.

First kid gets the “Ooohs” and “Ahhhs” and “Oh My God’s”.

The second kid gets a spot on mama’s hip while she runs around town still catering to the first child.

The second kid inherits all the first kid’s friends that are a few years older.

The second kid gets a corn popper found out the corner that mom took home and febreze’d.

The second kid learns to “get in where they fit in”.

I had a first kid then a second kid.

Luna, my first, was the golden child. Everything she did was magic.

Every day was a photoshoot with the cleanest newest clothes.

She even ate cleanly as a baby. I’d change her into pajamas at night and she wouldn’t have a spot on her.

Side note — Why they even bother making baby pajamas? They look exactly their day clothes.

Back to the kids

One time I tried to put my first born, Luna, in the sandbox with the other kids and he flipped out screaming .

Me — Luna what’s wrong? You don’t wanna go in the sandbox?

Luna — No Mama, it’s dirt

Welp

So when Razi, the second kid, came along and was the opposite of Princess Luna I thought “Oh wait, I thought I knew how to do this”.

He was a boy.

He was 10 pounds to her 7.

He was messy….as HELL.

Everything he did was messy.

He ran through 4, 5 bibs a day from drool, milk and later food.

If we took him to the playground he wanted to play in the small dirt patches surrounding the trees.

He’s pour out his sippy cup juice and make mud. Then smear it on himself and laugh.

One time at 3, he opened the fridge and got out a jar of mayonnaise. I pulled up a chair to see what performance art was going to take place.

He lifted his shirt and smeared a huge goop of mayonnaise on his tummy, then pulled his shirt down and packed it in. Then he fanned himself and peeled it off, screaming with delight.

What the hell?. THIS was a baby I could get into.

But I’ll admit I didn’t give him the same amount of attention I gave Luna. It was impossible. She had our undivided attention.

This little dude had to compete.

We started noticing he loved the subway. Like LOVED it

I thought he was just a good little New Yorker, not complaining about the countless subways rides we took.

We were always going to his sister’s ballroom class, Mama’s rehearsals, shopping in the city or to his sister’s Girl Scout trips and he NEVER complained.

By the time he was 3 and we realized he was on the spectrum, the clearest way to communicate with him was through the subway map.

Everything else was echolalia (where you repeat what was just said).

But after 2 years of speech therapy he came bursting out of his shell.

Then we found out it wasn’t just the subways that he loved. He loved different streets in our neighborhood like how Luna loved her dolls

It took me a while to realize that when I changed up the route and he got upset, it wasn’t just the autism speaking, it was that he was missing HIS block.

Last winter after Luna’s swim lesson I tried to take the quickest route home.

Razi stopped in the street.

Razi — Mama can we go down Madison?

Me — That’s not near us right now Bud

Razi — But we did something for Luna so can I PLEASE go down Madison?

I look at him for a second. He’s right.

Me — Sure Bud

Luna is outraged.

Luna — Seriously Mama???

Me — Girl hush up he’s cute

I like to mess with her. She looks at me like I snatched her soul.

After dinner, I put him in his Paw Patrol Pajamas.

Me — Bud, why do you like Madison so much?

Razi — That house with the balcony and the lights brought me back to life!

Me — What???

Razi — The grey house mama. It’s smooth and new and I love it!

Me — And it brought you BACK to life? Where were you before?

He shrugs…then

Razi — Not on Madison

As funny as this was, I felt guilty I didn’t see his love for architecture before.

I kept thinking “Damn Hollie, how could you miss all of that?”

But then I remembered that I was a second child. I turned out fine and this mom guilt is something all mothers go through.

Birth order shapes us. It’s not a good thing or a bad thing

Just a thing

Most presidents and CEO’s are first born.

Most comedians are the baby.

And many negotiators are middle children.

Razi loves architecture and that makes me smile. Because whether you shape them or not, children come into themselves.

The book on them is written during all those trips to places that often have nothing to do with them.

So don’t feel bad that the destination wasn’t always or even often for them. It’s the process that shapes them.

The coming and going. The 10,000 train rides

Everything they see is part of the force that makes their wheels turn.

And one day they’ll tell you who they are

#KidMouthRunning

#YesIAmThatMom