Hot Messery

“The Princess and the Rascal…every damn day”

I’m struggling in the supermarket downstairs with the kids.

I make my way through this insanely small place, grabbing enough items to make dinner while the kids straight wild out.

We are the vision of “Family” that makes young, skinny, child-free girls bulk up on their birth control.

Five year old Razi runs up and down the produce aisle, grabbing apple after apple, eating them. He finally stops eating apples and moves on the red peppers.

11 year old Luna floats through the market like a fairy princess sucked into a daydream.

Me — Luna watch out!

Right behind her is an old lady with a humongous cart trying to pass her.

Luna turns around, completely unbothered and smiles.

Luna —Oh…. I’m sorry

And takes her sweet time moving as time crawls backwards.

The old woman looks at me like “Are you freaking kidding me?” and I shrug a “Yeah I know”.

Luna is in that princess stage where she often gets lost in thought.

Since it happened to me at the same age I wonder if she’ll be a writer who gets lost in storylines for a spell as I do now.

She’s beautiful. Tall, long-legged with an angelic face and striking, thick, long hair, she commands attention.

She truly looks like she should rock a sash that says “The Princess of Brooklyn”.

As her mom, it freaks me out to see such an aggressive beauty taking over my formerly cutie pie kid.

But I guess this is what happens when you raise little girls. Little women emerge and the sight is truly something to behold.

Razi is my 5 year old rascal. His speech therapy and OT has freed him from the chains of “High Functioning Autism Lack of Communication”.

He gabs like a faucet running water thoughts, using new vocabulary words every day.

And dude is messy.

He picks one apple from the pile and knocks over 20.

When he was 3 he pulled a glass jar of maraschino cherries off the shelf . The glass hitting the ground and exploding made him squeal with delight.

So the supermarket owner lets him eat whatever he wants because I always drop a couple bucks at the counter and it keeps him quiet.

He is Brooklyn’s cutest “World Wide Wrecking Crew”.

I’m sweating and trying to look at eggs in the carton, making sure none are broken before I buy them.

Razi wants to inspect them too.

Razi — Mama let me count them! The eggs that are broken I can throw over the next aisle

Me — That’s not how they do it here Bud. They just leave them alone

Razi — Can I throw one or two?

Me — No

Razi — Can I carry them?

Me — Can I trust you?

Razi — No

Wow

Me — Thank you for your honesty but nope, you’re gonna break them

He sighs with disappointment.

Razi — I wish I never said anything

Oh my God.

Finally, I make it to the check out counter.

I’m super psyched I made it when I turn around and realize Luna is there but Razi isn’t.

I look past Luna down the aisle and see him going for the eggs.

Damn!!!!

Me — Luna grab your brother by the eggs. I’m almost done!

She mutters something about injustice and brings him to me like a prisoner, dragging him by his sleeve.

Luna — Mama he’s being obstinate

Razi just shrugs and gives me a mega-watt smile.

Me — (sucked in by said megawatt smile) Bud are you being obstinate?

He shrugs and smiles again.

Soon as I turn my away, he jumps on Luna’s back, taking her to the ground.

She drops like a bag of dirt. I step over them both to pay. The check out girl doesn’t even bat an eye.

Luna — (yelling) Razi get the hell OFF me!!!!

Her very loud cuss makes everyone stop and look at us.

I throw my hands up like “What?! I’m the only one???!” and go back to getting the hell of of there while I stifle extreme laughter from the hot-messery of it all.

We walk home and I pour myself a glass of wine.

While the kids argue over “Who had the remote control last?” I daydream about a new story.

Cause that’s what I do.

#TheStraightTruth

#YesIAmThatMom