My Tween
“You’re twelve……it kinda sucks right now. You’re too grown to be little and too little to be grown”
After watching my sweet little girl turn into a dissatisfied tween I finally mustered up the courage to say the obvious.
We walk home from school under the Brooklyn sun. She eats seaweed sheets and finishes up a story about a small ruckus at lunch.
Me — You know you seem unhappy a lot….. You’re miserable aren’t you?
Luna — (totally surprised) I AM!
It’s quiet til I smile and shrug. She busts out laughing. I laugh too.
Luna — Mama you’re not supposed to laugh at me!!
Me — You walking around angry as hell. Why you mad?
Luna — I don’t know
Me — Your little friends ALL look sad. Especially the awkward ones
Luna — MAMA!!!! You’re not supposed to say that!
Me — Just be glad it’s not YOU!!! I’m serious. You don’t know what fugly life is like
Luna’s eyes flare and she shakes her head
Me — You’re twelve……it kinda sucks right now. You’re too grown to be little and too little to be grown
Luna — I’m just…(she shrugs)…it DOES kinda sucks. I can’t go anywhere and I wish you would STOP calling it playdates we don’t get on the floor and play
Oh snap…I had no idea I was demoralizing her
Me — One day you’ll be so grown and these few little years will be like nothing
Luna — What did you do when you were twelve?
I think about it. 7th grade.
Me — I made bad science projects and used to pray for this boy to love me
Luna — (laughing) You prayed?!
Me — YES I thought prayer would fix it!
Luna — Did he like you?
Me — NO!
She dies laughing
Me — I was FUGLY..and you are NOT. You’re like what tweens look like on tv it’s really not fair. You could be soooo much more unfortunate
Luna — More unfortunate? I’m already unfortunate?
Me — You are with that sad ass face! You are so pretty and you walk around all glum. Like you have menstrual cramps… in your soul
She stops laughing. I realize I’m going too far.
Me — Look…seriously Luna…. I was sad all the time when I was your age. It’s OK.
I stare at her and remember Baby Luna in her green and pink Maclaren stroller and tear up. I used to hold her little body so close to me every day. I lived for it.
Now I make a game of seeing how long she’ll let me hug her before she becomes annoyed. I laugh but deep inside I wish for 20 more seconds.
And then I remember to enjoy this moment
Cause this….
This fleeting moment of baby faced promise and young woman smarts in a blooming brown girl flower….
I must take in this moment and smell this New Luna.
I gotta take in these eyes, this face, this hairdo and set of friends.
Because this too shall pass.
This is Life Gold….and I gotta collect while I have it.
#YesIAmThatMom
#OnTheWay
