Hey you, Plant Killer…
Here are 3 simple tips that will instantly change your luck with houseplants
It all started when you were at the grocery store…or Ikea; oh wait, maybe it was Home Depot…it’s hard to say exactly where, but you spotted this pleasant little guy for $9.99 from across the aisle where he was cleverly placed for you to cross paths with. Lush and full of house-mate potential, you made an impulse purchase and brought your new friend home to liven up your living room and bring some zen to your concrete jungle. Of course, he fell over in the car ride back to your place, but aside from the annoying and small pile of dirt on your floor, everything else was fine and he looked great once you got him inside your home. You set your new friend up in your living room and gave him a great name like, “Private Green”; in the corner he stood strong and proud and the two of you shared a glass of water, while you told him all the promises you would keep in this new budding relationship. You water Private Green every couple of days (EXACTLY like the instructions say, and like you promised). You stroked his shiny leaves daily. You even sang and danced to Bruno Mars for him. But then a month or two go by and Private Green has turned a bit yellow and a couple of his leaves have begun to fall off. Your pride and joy begins to sour into a feeling of despair; you know this feeling…the loss of yet another houseplant and you internalize the failure of what seems to be such a simple task, keeping a &*%^’n houseplant alive.
If this sounds like you, please know that you’re not alone. It’s a common story that I hear from nearly every single one of my socialite-yuppie friends; they all seem to think that my GreenThumb abilities are some pointless amazing superpower that I magically possess; then they proceed to tell me about their innate ability to bring death to all things green. And a turning point is desperately required…
A small background about me and why I’m offering my advice
I really like plants. Mainly because, plants aren’t like pets: they don’t need my time, they don’t need to be walked, they don’t make noise, and they don’t smell like $#!*…it’s a great match, because I’m kind of busy all the time and I’ll get to my plants when I have time.
I also really like plants because they GROW! If you treat a plant well it will grow and grow and GROOOOW into a giant, happy housemate. Big plants offer a sense of awe, pride, joy and accomplishment.
The best thing about plants is how amazing they are…the number of useless, but equally cool facts I could spit at you about orchids, food plants, crazy tropicals, and the uses of aloe and and and (you get the idea). So getting back to the real point, my qualification—I’m generally pretty good at growing plants. Today I live in a mini jungle and I love my green friends dearly… they smile at me with their lush leaves all aglow as the sun sets before bed, and I happily inspect each one to make sure they’re doing better than the day before.
A sampling of what my apartment (*slash* urban forest) looks like…
So, here’s the money shot, the moment you've all been waiting for…
3 Simple Tips for growing indoors that will nearly instantly change your luck with houseplants:
1) Mineral build-up in soil (from tap-water…all that white calcium/lime deposit) wreaks havoc on the roots of houseplants and tropical plants. Avoid using tap water if you live in an area where mineral build-up is an issue; instead, use distilled bottled water in-place of tap water and only occasionally water with tap water to provide some essential minerals to your plant.
2) Too much or too little water tends to be a battle for most people; how much is too much or too little? It will largely depend on the size of the plant, the roots, blah blah blah. The rule of thumb, always make sure the soil is slightly moist with most tropical houseplants; this means watering lightly every 2-5 days. Pay attention to the leaves of a plant, if they droop and the soil looks dry — water ASAP. Water standing in a pot for prolonged periods of time is BAD — most plants don’t grow in marshes and if your soil is soggy, the roots are susceptible to rotting.
3) Insufficient or too much light can kill a plant slowly…or very quickly. There are two parts to this: 1) heat, 2) photosynthesis. You need to provide enough light to allow the plant to photosynthesize properly, and you definitely need to avoid intense heat. Each plant species has evolved differently and requires different light for best growth, if you can find that zone you’re in it to win it. Full-sun for most (possibly all) houseplants is generally too bright and definitely too hot. The best way to remove the guess work from light is to use a plant light-meter app like MQ GreenThumb. The app allows you to properly estimate light and definitely avoid areas that are too bright or too dark which will vary depending on your houseplant.
And that’s pretty much it If you’re wondering about dirt…for soil I use a combination of peat moss and perlite (70% / 30%) for nearly all of my tropical plants, and I add fertilizer to my (bottled) water in diluted amounts, typically quarter or half what’s recommended—in the winter I don’t fertilize at all and I reduce watering because the plants typically aren’t growing in our northern climate with reduced daylight hours.
I hope this has helped you see the light at the end of the green tunnel. Maybe you had an, “ah ha” moment. But definitely share your own tips, thoughts, or questions with me if you have any.
~DM — MQ GreenThumb
