Home Alone
Home in Dialogue is a collective storytelling platform documenting personal experiences of migration: leaving, returning and the in between. Asked and written by migrants themselves. Below you will find Zsófi Hollós’s response to the question: why are you moving again after deciding to return home?
When I moved to London I thought the only way of leaving the past and problems is to choose another city in an other country. I was obviously expecting too much — London gave lot of dissapointment and heartbreaks, as well as of course — amazing experiences and times. But again — it did not give me what I was expecting, and 1 and a half year after moving, I decided to go home. I left a job, my love, and everything behind as there was something inside that said: leave.
When I moved home, everything was sunny, happy and cheerful. Finally — I thought — who would leave the homecountry, who cares about politics and education and salary and whatever when you have family and friends. But then you realize if these things were the reasons you moved away, you messed it up already. I realized I cannot make decisions in order to avoid something, just in order to reach a goal. Leaving your home country just because it is dissapointing is definately the wrong approach. I was never concentrating on what London could give me, that is why I lost many things that used to be very important for me.
Did I get happier when I moved home? No. I was still focusing on what I did not want. When I moved to Berlin, I was thinking about the things I wanted to achieve. I did not think about my losses, fears and whatnots, I was focusing on the things that made me happy. With this approach, it was easier to find them. Is Berlin a better city than London? No. Is it more for me? Yes. Is it because the city itself? Not entirely. It is because I chose to be happy here. I want this, and I know that I always have the possibility to go home whenever I want.
I know, whenever it happens I will only do it in order to reach something in a professional or a personal way, not because living in Berlin is not good enough. Having doubts of moving and different countries are usually not because of the countries themselves, but because of the energy you put in it. Moving abroad or home with the right mindset — that always works.
This question was sent to Zsófi Hollós by Orsi Fábián whose blog post on returning can be found here. This model of collective blog posting is inspired by Enrol Yourself’s Learning Marathon, a peer-to-peer learning programme we highly recommend for anyone who has a project they want grow.
