home in dialogue: Naomi Dudas
‘Home in dialogue’ is a series of interviews of Romanians returned to Romania or those who live in between the country and somewhere else. This is an essay I wrote to be included as part of these series. It’s a brief account of my experience of moving to Romania after growing up in the US touching on migration, linguistic identity and reintegration.
I was born and brought up in the United States and moved to Romania in the summer after graduating high school. Sure, I had visited Romania often but I didn’t truly know what it’s like to live here.
Even from a young age, I knew that I wanted to move to Romania. My family and I would spend most of our summers in Romania visiting relatives and catching up for lost time.
Yet I still, to this day, can’t quite express what it is about Romania that I love so much. The easiest way to say it is that I felt a strong calling to move to Romania. I knew that staying in the U.S. would mean comfort, easier access to opportunities and financial stability. The logical choice would have been to go to one of the universities I had been accepted to.
But somehow, I felt a pull towards the unknown God was calling me to in Romania and I didn’t have the peace to go ahead and continue living “the American dream.” Above all reasons, I knew coming to Romania would mean that I would have to work harder to create opportunities for myself but it would also mean more potential to make a significant impact in the communities here, in time.
The starting point is simply telling my story every time someone asks me why I have an accent. And I get a lot of mixed reactions. People oftentimes don’t understand my decision and they see it as an unwise one but all I can do is hope that it will make them see the good in Romania and what they can do for it to flourish.
Having the internal peace I was seeking out and the support of my family and friends really made it clear to me that it was the right decision. Sadly, I have to say that I was disappointed to see how many Romanians (living in America) criticized my decision and shamed me for making all of my parents’ efforts “go to waste.” I came to realize that when it comes to these kinds of decisions, it really depends on your perspective and what your priorities are in life. And mine was answering to God’s calling.
All that being said, I can’t lie and say that this transition was easy.
The summer months were a breeze because it felt like all the other vacations I had been on in Romania and I was brimming with excitement of building a life on my own in Romania so any kind of fear was overpowered by my enthusiasm to have a start from scratch here.
The reality dawned on me when I began to study for my admissions exam for the university I go to currently in Oradea. Reading and studying the material was a mental strain for me as the Romanian language I had grown up speaking was casual, informal and dialect-driven. The academic language in and of itself seemed even more foreign to me and I started to panic. As life would have it, I had nothing to fall back on and go back to since I had to officially decline my offers to the U.S. universities in May. I knew this was it.
As I started to focus on the actual material and less on my fear of not understanding enough academic-level Romanian, it became so natural to read and understand. The letters combined into words that were sweet to speak back to myself. Studying for the exam was a form of therapy for me in reaching past all the years of being in between cultures. Nomadic, in a sense.
It felt good. I was finally home.
But then, of course, insecurity seeped in as I started university in the fall and felt like the odd one out. It felt like I was too American for the Romanians and too Romanian for the Americans.
But in time, some very amazing people helped me integrate even though I was thousands of miles away from what was familiar.
As I grew into the rhythm of living in Romania, I came to discover what it really means to live with a “glass half-full” attitude.
I remember the first Romanian political upheaval I was exposed to after moving back. It was February 2017. I don’t want to get into the details of what it was about but what was shocking to me is how united Romania became in the wake of corruption. People were tired of reliving the pain of the past.
The most challenging aspect of moving back was confronting the mentality around corruption and its infiltration in all aspects of life (medical, educational, political, etc.). It was hard for me to understand why you would need to bribe doctors or professors in order to be treated the way you should be treated from the start. It should be noted, though, that this mentality is mainly found among older generations that are simply used to this way of doing things and there have been many efforts made nation-wide to stop corruption. I’ve come to see that the majority of Romanians are just as disgusted by corruption as I am. Although there’s not much that can be done at a greater level, the best we can do is be as honest and transparent as possible in what we can control. With our businesses. With our education. With our patients. Every effort matters.
On a more trivial note, another challenging aspect I experienced in this transition is my inability to express my personality in Romanian. Although my maternal language is Romanian, I’ve been predominantly speaking English since kindergarten. The only time I’d speak Romanian was at home and at church. And even that was more of a “Romenglish,” if you ask me.
Naturally, this lead to me developing an accent when speaking in Romanian. Paired with my lack of knowledge about the grammatical rules or popular expressions, I didn’t feel like my personality came across the same in both languages. So for a month or two, I was pretty quiet in order to avoid making grammatical errors and failing to translate the sense of humor I like to think I have.
But then I realized that I just had to own up to the fact that yes, I have an accent but I also have a story behind it. If people see me differently because of some grammatical errors, it’s out of my control but at least I won’t be hiding who I am.
I could go on about the challenges I faced coming to Romania but I’d rather not dwell on the negative since it’s really not important enough.
On the other hand, moving to Romania brought me so much fulfilment and happiness. The best part being meeting my now fiancé, Andrei. He saw Romania differently and that was when I began to understand more than to judge.
So much of the behaviour or negativity I saw was the result of years and years of pain and oppression. The best physical embodiment of this are the concrete apartment buildings (called ‘blocuri’) built during the communist regime. Most Romanians, including myself, are quite literally living in the remnants of the past. It’s ironic and poetic at the same time.
I can definitely attest to the fact that Romanians are, above all, resilient and they know how to have a sense of humour even in less than ideal situations, making lemonade when life gives them lemons.
Part of this resilience, I think, comes from the sense of community Romanians value so much. Especially when it comes to family and close friends. Staying united and close to loved ones is a top priority for most families in Romania. It’s beautiful to see that kind of commitment all around you and refreshing for someone like me, who was exposed to seeing how most U.S. families struggled to balance family life with their careers. One practical way to see this is in maternity leave. Romanian legislation allows mothers to stay home with their children for up to 2 years, paid-leave. That is amazing and worth applauding, in my opinion. I realize that there are many U.S. companies bringing reform to this aspect, but 12 weeks unpaid-leave cannot compare.
Living in Romania has taught me the art of a balanced lifestyle, of knowing when to shut work off and make time to rest. The culture here, unlike in the U.S., is one centred around enjoying life in the everyday and not just during vacations.
Beyond that, I just love the proximity of everything here. I love the architecture. I love the people. It just feels right, for me.
Nevertheless, I am blessed to be a U.S. citizen and I can’t say that I’ll never go back. The U.S. has so much to offer and its diversity is unparalleled. There’s so much beauty just in that and I appreciate some of the differences of living there. A part of me will always consider the U.S. to be home and it has shaped me in ways that I can’t be grateful for enough.
But this is exactly why I think I’m meant to be here, in Romania. My U.S. upbringing has taught me to want to share whatever I can bring to the table with others. And that’s what I try to do everyday.
Romania is a country of contradictions. It’s challenging. It’s amazing. It’s disappointing. It’s imperfectly perfect.
I can’t deny my dream and hope that people will come back to and stay in Romania, to contribute to a shift in history. The pain of the past must be replaced and in its stead, new, beautiful ideas must grow.
Still, no country has it all and we each have to choose which place is best for the season of life that we’re in, wherever we’re called to go. I strongly believe that there is purpose in everything, in every move, so there’s nothing to be lost in each experience.
There’s so much more to say but sometimes, words aren’t enough so the best thing to keep in mind with this topic is that it’s a personal, unique process for each person.
And ultimately, I believe that if you follow purpose and calling, everything else will fall into place, regardless of what country you live in.
Naomi Dudas is a designer passionate about the impact branding and design create. Born and brought up in the U.S. With a background in business, Naomi is passionate about the growth a brand can experience through a human-centered approach and a strong identity. To continue reading and get updates on new posts follow ‘Romanian in Romania’ here.
