As a Working Mom, I Need My Driving Alone Time
Work from home 5 days a week is not exactly as I pictured that. It’s hard to find a balance. No more “Me time” without feeling guilty.
It’s been 3 months since I started to work from home due to Covid-19. In the beginning, the idea of working from home 5 days a week seemed so luxurious. Thinking I’ll save one to one hour and a half that I used to spend on the daily commute. The time that I could spend for myself or my family doing whatever I want. It turned out it was not exactly as I pictured that.
As a mom, the demand for being a mom does not stop when you look available at home and the guilt of a busy working mom will force you to try harder to make up for the time that you spend for your career or yourself.
Working from home, I’m more tired than ever. I do not have any coffee breaks or a 10 min walk with a colleague. Every minute has to be productive, it’s either work-related or helping the kid with the school work or preparing meals and cleanups. There is no spare moment.
There are a few things that won’t let me rest. Demanding people at work who think you should be available all the time even during lunchtime and after hours, never-ending family demands and the guilt that you are not doing everything that you should be doing.
In the past 3 months, I had not driven my car except for a couple of times in the neighborhood. Today I decided to visit my parents after months of being cautious and not going to their place. Sitting in my car after a couple of months felt weird. I had to look carefully to find the button to change the radio channel. Radio was not tuned, so I searched for a good music channel and I stopped at a french channel. There was an Elvis Presley song. I started to enjoy the old songs while driving my car alone. No one could tell me that my music is lame and no one could tell ‘Hey Google, stop the music’.
I definitely needed some alone time. And then I realized that I have missed my driving alone time. In the 45 minutes driving each way to work and back, I used to listen to the news, listen to my favorite songs and talk to my parents, siblings or friends without anyone interrupting me.
Now of course I can do all of these at home but it is never without interruption or guilt that I could do something more important. Sometimes I just had quiet time while driving and just thinking and sinking in my thoughts. Now I do not have that alone time. I don’t know exactly how to have this “me time” at home without feeling guilty that I should be doing something more important for work or my family.
I feel I’m always behind and can’t keep up with the speed of the demands. It takes away the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. The guilt is constantly whispering in my ears. Have I done enough? Could I help my kid more with the school work? Could I help him to do more meaningful stuff rather than spending time on electronics? Could I spend more quality time with him? Could I prepare healthier and better food today? Could I complete more tasks at work?
I know it’s all about finding the balance which is not easy to find. It takes time to get used to the situation and find your own time which is yours only. I started by writing this article. “My alone time to think and write”. I got interrupted 3 times by my son and husband asking stuff. I ignored them for 15 minutes, I had to stop eventually and finish it on the next day. I tried to not listen to the inner voice that tells me I’m being selfish by ignoring them. I feel a bit better now, I have completed something. Even Though it’s just a small task but still feels good to complete something.
