Homeschooling is Just Parenting…Only More Intense.
Advice for the new homeschooler.
We have been homeschooling our kids for five years. People have opinions about this, mostly they think I must have a supernatural level of patience or they wonder if I have any special qualifications that would enable me to teach my children at home.
The answer to both of those speculations is no. I am an average parent with average patience, and my college degree is not in teaching.
The secret you need to know is that homeschooling is just parenting. And then more of it. If you are qualified to be a parent, you are qualified to determine what is best for your children and to provide it for them, even academically. It’s part of the job description.
If I have learned anything from our time homeschooling, it is this:
Your opinion is the one that matters. There is no one more qualified than you to determine what is best for your child.
Teachers are experts on teaching, but you are an expert on your children. Only you can choose their path. Just like any new endeavor, your skills and abilities (and patience) will grow as you gain experience with your children. That’s how we all learned to parent in the first place, right?
If you are considering homeschooling, I assure you that there is much goodness to be found on this path. You might even find it is a breath of fresh air for your entire family, especially if you can shift your expectations from the beginning.
Shifting Expectations
As you expand your home to include academics, have patience with yourself. These three perspective shifts will help you to experience a smoother transition.
1. Yes, you are the parent, but you are also the teacher.
These roles are not mutually exclusive. I have heard the idea floated around that if you are the mother, you are not the teacher. Modern society has separated these roles in a way that is not helpful to intentional parenting. Whether you homeschool or not, you are your child’s teacher.
As parents, we hold the responsibility for our children’s education. Sometimes we choose to delegate that part of our role to a teacher at school, and that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean you are no longer a teacher. You have been teaching your children from the moment they were born, and if you are lucky, you will continue teaching them well into their adult lives. I know I still call my parents for advice when I need it.
Academics is merely one area of teaching in life. Whether we take on that role personally or outsource it, we, as parents, are still responsible for overseeing the process and intervening when necessary. No grade-level teacher is going to keep an eye on the big picture results of your child’s education. They cannot — it’s not part of their job and not a reasonable expectation. That is our job, as parents.
When we started homeschooling, my kids were in 4th, 5th, and 1st grade. Two of my kids easily accepted me as their teacher and had a relatively smooth transition. But one of my kids had bought into the idea that the teacher is the teacher and the mother is the mother and the two cannot be the same person. It took some time and patience for her to adjust and accept me as both. It took some time for ME to adjust and accept me as both! We talked about this openly, and I tried to help her understand my responsibility and role as a mother and to reclaim authority in this area. We talked about the character trait of being “teachable” and how developing this character trait would open her life up to many new ideas and wonders. Over time, we all adjusted, and now it is a natural perspective for all of us.
2. What your children need to learn next cannot be standardized. It is unique to each child.
I know. This is a big one. The most common question I am hearing from new homeschooling families is where to find the public school standards so they can keep on track with the school system. My honest response is, I don’t know. We don’t use them. And you might not need them either.
We all know that the school system runs on standardized learning goals, and that is a system that makes sense when you are educating such a large number of students. It stops making sense when you try to apply it to a few children at home.
Let me illustrate this idea with a few examples.
When I started teaching my son in the first grade, he was reading above grade-level but his handwriting skills were well behind. His fine motor control skills just hadn’t developed at the same rate as is considered typical. This was not something alarming or concerning, it was just where he was at that time. If I were to give him first-grade level books to read and first-grade level writing practice, it would have frustrated him. The books would have been boring and would not have encouraged progress in that area. Also, he was not ready to write sentences; he was still struggling to form each letter. What he needed was individualized instruction. Reading instruction and practice at a higher level to allow him to progress and patient handwriting practice at a lower level to increase success and decrease frustration.
I have seen this concept played out in different areas for each of my kids. They need to be learning right where their skills and abilities are, plus one extra measure for a challenge. If that’s ahead or being the standards of learning for their grade level, who cares? Working at their level is their best chance for future success.
A popular homeschool writing curriculum, IEW, gives this advice in the introduction pages of their products:
“Remember the…rule, “EASY PLUS ONE.” Be mindful of what is easy for a student, and add only one advanced suggestion to that.”
Let’s look at a math example. If your child would be headed into Pre-Algebra next year at school, but you discover they don’t have their multiplication facts memorized and they are still struggling to understand fractions, what should you do? If you don’t teach your child Pre-Algebra, he will be ‘behind’. But what happens if you proceed with Pre-Algebra? I’ll tell you from experience, your child will become frustrated and feel like a failure. He will begin to think of himself as being “bad at math” and that is a label that will stick with him for years. He will struggle with upper-level math because he didn’t build a solid foundation. Instead, why not meet your child where he is? He’s not really behind, he’s just where he is. Taking that extra time on foundations will be worth it when he is able to be successful at higher-level math.
This idea of individualized instruction is not limited to a child’s ability and skill level. Consider their interests when making your school plan.
If your fourth-grader is scheduled to learn state history this year, but they have a great interest in Greek and Roman gods and no interest in your state history, what should you do? My advice would be to focus on ancient history while the interest is there. Your child will absorb and personalize more information about things that align with their interests than they will anything else.
If you are worried about missing out on state history, rest assured that she will have many more opportunities to learn this topic. You could revisit this topic another year, fourth-grade is not a magical time for learning state history. You could do a short unit covering the main points about your state and focus the rest of the year on ancient history. You could teach state history in the summer. Or you could put state history in the category of ‘the many things that cannot be covered during your childhood’. Trust that they can look it up when they are older if they need to know.
No education includes instruction on every concept that is currently known to man. It’s not possible. Furthermore, all education includes ideas that are forgotten. Why not focus on the things that have the highest chance of sticking while they are interested? You can (and should) intentionally teach them the skills they will need to become life-long learners, able to self-teach whatever happens to be missed during their education. The kid down the street who knows his state history might know nothing about Greek & Roman gods. No one knows everything.
If your child is in high-school, this idea does not change. There are many classes a student must complete if they would like to go to college. There is also a lot of room for electives and this is the perfect time to explore areas they might be interested in pursuing as a career. Studying topics aligned with their interests will not only count as high-school credit, but it will also help prepare them for college or career training.
This is one of the main benefits of homeschooling, meeting your child right where they are with individualized instruction. Tailoring expectations to their interests and abilities, whether above, below, or completely different than the defined standards of learning, will allow your child to reach their full potential in their own timing.
3. You do not need to stand at the board and explain every concept in order for your child to be well educated.
This is a concept I learned when I was in public high-school and has proven true in our homeschool. I had an English teacher, Mrs. Strange, who didn’t lecture the class a single time the entire semester. Instead, she presented us with a thick binder and expected us to lead ourselves through the material each day. Learning from our reading, pacing ourselves to get the work done, and submitting it for feedback when we felt we had done our best. We were then expected to use her feedback to improve our work, and occasionally we would each take a turn presenting what we knew to the class.
At first, I thought this class was a joke. How was I supposed to learn if she refused to teach us anything? I was indignant. She and I did not get off on the right foot.
By the end of the semester, what I had gained was a shift in perspective that propelled me through graduate school and eventually informed my role as a homeschool mother. I learned that instruction can come in many forms, and the best education is sometimes the one which is led by student-motivation.
I think there is no better result of education than the ability and skills necessary to continue to learn throughout a lifetime.
As the main homeschool teacher in our family, I was relieved to discover that I could effectively teach my children from the role of a mentor, encourager, and lead-learner. I did not need to lecture. I did not need to already know everything. What was required of me was a curriculum for guidance (that’s a personal preference) and time with my children. Also, Google.
Think about how you teach your children anything else. How to empty the trashcan, make a grilled-cheese sandwich, or tie a shoe. Did any of these lessons come with a lecture and illustrations on a chalkboard? I’m guessing the answer is no. When you teach your children, you come beside them and demonstrate, encourage, and assist. You don’t lecture. Why would academics be any different?
The best lessons I have taught my children include how to teach themselves, how to ask for help when needed, and how to accept feedback as a catalyst to self-improvement, not as a criticism.
Ok, so truthfully we are still working on all three of those areas. But we have made progress, and I have great hope for the future!
Putting it All Together
Your homeschool will not look like a typical school classroom. With all of your experience parenting, you are capable and ready to teach your children. After all, homeschooling is not much different than any other area of parenting.
You may need to reclaim your authority as a teacher, both in your mind and in your child’s mind. This has always been your responsibility; you just delegated it for awhile.
Your child’s education can be as unique as your child. You do not need to follow your state’s standards of learning in order to give your children what they need. Your best bet is to take the time to find out where your child is in each subject area. Find out what foundations they might have missed, where they excel, and what they are most curious about right now. Then take this information to make a plan for an individualized school year, incorporating their interests and passions into the fun.
Finally, remember that the best result of your time homeschooling would be a closer relationship with your child, a feeling of success and improvement academically that your child can take with them into the next school year, and an increase in independence and ability to learn on their own.
Set them up for success. You won’t regret it!
