I Stopped Hating My Postpartum Body and So Can You.
Learn to love yourself.
This can be a really hard subject for some women, especially if this was your first baby and you’re now faced with a brand-new body. One that you don’t recognise when you look in the mirror.
It doesn’t even have to be your first pregnancy for your body to change. I got pregnant when I was 16 and my postpartum body wasn’t that much different from how I looked before. I think that mostly had something to do with the fact that I was so young. However when I was pregnant with my second child my body completely changed. I went from a UK size 10/12 to an 18. It was devastating to me and so confusing at the same time. You have this baby that you’ve just given birth to. You love and adore them with everything that you have, but when you look in the mirror you hate what you see.
Everybody around you tells you to, ‘stop being silly,’ and to not worry. They like to tell you that, ‘you look fine,’ and that, ‘you’ve just had a baby,’ but no matter what they say it doesn’t matter to you. You don’t hear it. You just keep on looking in that mirror and focusing on the part or parts of your body that you no longer like.
I always think back to before I was pregnant. I would always complain about my thighs and my stomach. Now I look back and I realise my thighs were great before, my stomach was flat, what else did I want?
Now my thighs are chunky, my belly is softer and my bottom is double the size. All I keep thinking about is my body that I had before, compared to the one I have now. I would do anything to get my body back to how it was.
However the funny thing is, I didn’t really do a lot to get my preferred body back. Instead I sat around and felt sorry for myself. I brought the bigger sized clothes that I was embarrassed to buy. I tried the odd diet and after a month I would get bored and fall back into the same old pattern. At one point I went up to a size 20 and I think that’s purely because I hated what I looked like, but instead of doing something about it, I wallowed in pity.
I think it was about three years after I had my second child, that I thought I needed to change. I had had enough.
I started another diet and this time I knew I had to stick to it. I think I went down to a size 16 and I was happy with that but I knew I wanted to lose more. I still hated my body, I still knew I had to change but it was hard.
My partner works full time, I now had a three-year-old and a seven-year-old. Between school runs and every day runarounds that had to be done, I was expected to fit in workouts in between all of that. I had no chance. I couldn’t do it.
So I settled for a size 16 and continued to watch what I ate. I still wasn’t happy, but I just thought of it as a consequence to having my babies. When I tried to think of it like I would feel a little better because I will do anything for my children and that meant sacrifice my body.
After five years of having my second child, me and my partner were starting to think about having a third. I definitely wanted another baby, but I was also terrified of what this meant for my body.
Would I get even bigger?
Would I be able to lose any of it this time?
It didn’t happen right away though, it took nearly 4 years to get pregnant with our third. My partner was interested in starting marathon running, so I when he would train, I joined. At first, it was really hard but then I started to see results. That spurred me on to do more. I think I lost about a stone and a half during that time and it felt good.
On Valentine’s Day 2019 I discovered that I was pregnant. I was so happy. I actually started to think that I would never get pregnant again. That we were meant to have two children and not three. I was fine with that. What will be, will be.
Whilst my partner was at work, I made him a last minute Valentine’s Day card that said,
Happy Valentine’s Day. How about we turn our family of 4 to 5?
His face was priceless.
So we were pregnant, we were excited and as my bump started to grow I didn’t care about my body. I felt amazing! I was still scared about how I would look when the baby arrived, but I tried to put that to the back of my mind. I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy. I watched what I ate and didn’t go crazy, just because I was pregnant. That can easily be done.
I believe this was the start of my journey to loving my body. I honestly don’t know why. I have big babies, my biggest being 10lbs, so my pregnant belly is always a larger one. My baby bump was very neat the third time, but it was still a big bump.
Now, with my second baby I had to have an emergency Caesarian. It was a really stressful and scary birth. It was so risky that the Doctors wanted me to have an elective Caesarian this time around. They didn’t force my decision, but I clearly heard their warning. I was told it was in the best interest for myself and the baby so didn’t need much persuading. We both decided on a planned C Section.
After I had had our third daughter, I came home and recovered from my Caesarian. I don’t know if it’s because the doctor cleaned up my scar area from the second Caesarean, but when I looked at myself this time around, I didn’t hate my body. I may have disliked a few areas, but I didn’t have that sickening feeling when I looked at myself as I did before.
I can’t put my finger on what changed. Maybe it was me being pregnant, I don’t know. I’m not saying that everybody who hates their body should go out and get pregnant to begin the journey to love your body. That’s just silly. But I believe that’s what happened for me. It’s crazy and I don’t know why, but ever since having my third child eight months ago I feel better about how I look.
It’s as if something just tweaked in my head. My partner loves me, my children love me, so why can’t I love me? And when I thought that it really hit me. I tried telling myself this before but it didn’t register. Not like now.
Since giving birth I’ve been slowly losing weight and I’m now losing weight at a steady pace. I’ve started intermittent fasting but I’m also fitting in regular exercise as much as I can. Nothing huge, just a run here and there, a quick go on the exercise bike or maybe a home workout.
I honestly don’t think the losing weight part is what’s making me feel better. It’s helping but it’s not the sole purpose. I just think it’s about having a different mindset and the fact that I’m exercising is giving me a healthier mind. I’m not sitting there, stuffing my face with junk food and watching TV. I’ve learnt to appreciate my body. I eat slightly better, not massively though because I love my chocolate WAY too much. Eat in moderation. Exercise helps too as it clears my mind from those demons that try to bring me back down.
Don’t get me wrong, I do still have my days where I will look at my belly and think, ugh! But later I will play with my kids or have a conversation with them and I will feel better. It really is as simple as that and I appreciate it’s not going to be like that for others.
If you’re reading this and you feel the same way that I felt, please try to change your way of thinking. Do something about it and don’t sit there like I did. You don’t even have to do anything huge, you could simply have a walk around the park to clear your mind.
Wear your tummy, thick thighs or big bottoms as a badge of honour. Your body did something amazing. You grew a beautiful baby inside of you. Do you know how amazing that is? Look at that child that you created. That you care for. That you love. You did that, your body did that. You have marks, stretches and wobbly bits because you wanted to have a baby.
Wear your badge of pride!
You’re amazing and don’t you ever forget it.
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