CHP Testing Driverless Patrol Car

SACRAMENTO, CA — The California Highway Patrol is working with Google to create a driverless patrol car, sources claim. The patrol vehicle, currently in field testing, employs the same cameras and sensors used for autonomous driving to detect and evaluate violations committed by nearby cars.

Once the evaluative algorithms and cognitive recognition software detects the law has been broken, it directs the patrol car to initiate an enforcement stop. The errant driver is then directed through loudspeakers, in five languages, to approach the side of the patrol car. At that point, the driver must insert his or her driver’s license, registration and insurance information into a slot. A citation will then be printed for the driver to sign before they are released.

A Siri-like automated interface is available for any questions the driver might have. The prototype officer-less patrol vehicle is not armed, but provisions have been made for aimable pistol and Taser ports so it can defend itself against attack or impolite violators.

Speaking off the record, one of the officers working on the project said, “This car will represent the law and deserves to be respected, and you’d be amazed how courteous people become when there is a Taser aimed at their groin.”

Slots on the side allow for driver’s license and registration information to be electronically scanned.

It was anticipated that the first CHP driverless patrol car would be on the highways early this summer. However, following concerns over recent accidents blamed on autonomous vehicles, production delays are now pushing the release date to March 2017 in order to meet the highest safety provisions.

If necessary, backup will be called.

It is still unclear what would happen when a CHP driverless patrol car pulls over an empty driverless car. The cars might synch sharing photos and playlists as well as registration data. When asked for comment, the CHP’s automated media relations system did not return our call.

This car may not be self-driving, but it proves driverless cars have been around for many years.

*SATIRICAL POST WARNING*

Posted by Pivotal Planning Team — www.theleeksatire.com

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