Did My Seven Year Old Get a Text From a Sexual Predator?
Like most parents, I constantly struggle to achieve the balance between being over bearing and being responsible in my parenting decisions. It’s my job to keep my children safe, right? Although I want to raise independent little people, I also want to protect them from obvious, and not-so-obvious, dangers that they will confront in our ever-changing society.
I consider myself a conscientious parent, maybe too conscientious at times. I set my house alarm every night, fully equipped with window and door sensors and even a glass breaker alarm. I own dogs for added protection. My children do not have their names embroidered on their school backpacks so strangers can’t call them by name. I have a password that they are required to hear before getting in anyone’s car, even when it is my best friend. And I have a babysitter meet them at the bus stop every day so they do not walk home from school alone, ever. These are a few of the many precautions I have in place to be responsible when it comes to caring for my two elementary school aged children (ages 7 and 8). In fact, I was trying to be responsible when I purchased my seven year old child a cell phone. My child was going to be the youngest member of a ski team at a resort that was forty-five minutes away from our house. She would be completely reliant on her coach (who was also responsible for a number of other children). I wanted her to have the ability to reach me in the case of an emergency. What if she fell and was injured? What if she got lost on the mountain and nobody could find her? Having a cell phone stuffed in her pocket gave me peace of mind that even if something bad happened, she would not be completely alone. I don’t regret my decision to purchase the cell phone (getting heart shaped emojis from her throughout the day let me know she was safe and having fun) but what I didn’t realize was that my “responsible parent decision” also led to new dangers that I hadn’t even considered.
One evening, I reviewed the Internet and text message history of my seven year old’s phone (part of the deal we reached when the phone was purchased). I saw a lot of sweet messages between my child and her grandparents that filled my heart with love, as well as, our emoji-heavy text message history. But my eyes quickly noticed something out of the ordinary when I saw text message from a number that I didn’t recognize. Unlike me, my child didn’t realize that when you receive a text messages from a telephone number rather than a name, it means that the number is not in your address book, and presumably, not someone you know. This is the text message history I discovered:
Stranger: Hello beautiful
My child: Hi
Stranger: Whatchya’ doing?
My child: In car going to ******* for ski team.
Stranger: Cool, how long are you going to be there?
Stranger: I am Josh, what’s your name?
At this point, the messages (thankfully) go silent and I was left in total disbelief. How did “Josh” get my daughter’s cell phone number? What would have happened if my child had responded with her name, completing the name and location request? I couldn’t bear to think of all the possibilities.
I carefully approached my child and asked her how she knew “Josh.” I asked about the text messages and she said, “I thought I was talking to grandma” (and in her defense, her grandma often starts conversations with “hi beautiful”). I praised her for not responding to the request for her name and ending the conversation with “Josh” once she realized it wasn’t grandma. But to this day, I still don’t know if she made the decision to end the conversation, or if I just got lucky because she just hadn’t seen the messages yet. Either way, I was terrified to learn how easy it would be to make a seven year old a victim through the use of a cell phone.
I can’t tell you how “Josh” got my daughter’s number, or why he was trying to make contact with her, but I did some research after this event and learned that other parents have had similar experiences, many of which believe that the cell phone number became available through interactive, and age appropriate, game apps for young children, some of which were on my daughter’s cell phone. The parents that have confronted this issue before me believed that some children’s apps are connected to sex trafficking rings making our youngest population more vulnerable than ever. My child now knows the difference between a text message from a phone number (not in address book) and one from a name (in address book). She also received the “Stranger Danger” lecture related to cell phone use, which I hadn’t even contemplated when I gave her the cell phone.
I know that we cannot protect our children from every possible threat, especially when it comes to the ever changing world of technology, but what we can do is share our experiences to help other well meaning parents consider the risks and benefits of the technologies that are at our children’s fingertips. My child still has a cell phone (without any interactive game apps) and I still believe that providing her the cell phone was the right thing to do in our situation, but I implore every parent in a similar situation to recognize how vulnerable our children are to deceit and manipulation, especially through technology.
Based on my experience, these are my recommendations to other parents:
1. Make sure your children understand how to use all aspects of a phone (including the difference between a known and unknown contact)
2. Talk to your children about Stranger Danger related to technology.
3. Make a deal with your young children about your ability to review their Internet history, text message history, and email messages on a routine basis….and then do it.
4. Take a screenshot of any suspicious activity on the cell phone and notify law enforcement if you believe that your children are being inappropriately targeted by strangers.
5. Block Internet sites on their devices that are inappropriate for their age.
6. Especially for the youngest population of cell phone users, require a secret password before they download a new app.
7. In addition to confirming the app they want is age appropriate, also do an Internet search with the name of the app and the word “safe” and “danger” to see if other parents have had issues with the app.
8. If you are a parent to older children, review this article for apps that are believed to be used by sex traffickers: http://www.msnewsnow.com/story/34589915/check-out-these-apps-used-to-lure-your-child-into-sex-trafficking
The Safe Kids Security Council (“SKSC”) blog exists to share personal experiences and information related to the dangers that impact children. The views, opinions, experiences, and advice provided within this blog belong solely to the individual contributors and should not be interpreted as legal or medical advice. This blog is provided for informational purposes only. The SKSC makes no representations as to the accuracy, reliability, or completeness of the information provided herein. The SKSC will not be liable for any errors or omission in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.
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