Firefighters to assume duties of Department of Animal Care and Control

The LEEK
Homeland Security
Published in
3 min readApr 3, 2016

SETAUKET, NY — The alarm ticket from the fire dispatcher directed the local fire companies to respond to a building with an unstable façade. Upon arrival at the scene, there was no evidence of any imminent danger. The fire officer requested further information from the dispatcher as a middle aged man walked up to the ladder truck. He pointed to the roof of a one story garage where a masked figure could be seen lurking in the shadows. A family of raccoons had taken up residence in the eaves. Fearful that the stability of the building had been compromised, the owner had called the fire department.

Normally, a situation like this would warrant the response of the Department of Animal Care and Control. But as the firefighters were already on scene, they took matters into their own hands. Armed with ten foot long hooks and a water hose, the firefighters were successful in evicting the ring-tailed critters. Other than some consequential water damage and the need for a roof replacement, the problem was solved.

The raccoon incident isn’t the only time that firefighters have dealt with animal related emergencies. After the deadly gas explosions which leveled two residential buildings at opposite ends of the city, the Fire Department response policy to gas leaks was prioritized. The high level response was necessary as the local utility company had been stretched thin in order to accommodate the surge in reported gas leaks.

Are you sure it’s not gas? It smells like the building is going to blow!

However, more often than not, the reported odors do not always end up being the result of a natural gas leak. An unintended consequence has emerged. In the northern neighborhoods of the city where wildlife roams freely in the wooded parks, that suspected odor of gas on numerous occasions has turned out to be odor of skunk. Therefore, in order to placate the distressed residents and reduce the number of callbacks, firefighters have taken matters into their own hands by trapping the striped stinkers for relocation to suburban animal sanctuaries.

Given the talent that firefighters have demonstrated in responding to animal related emergencies the mayor’s office has decided to dissolve the city’s Department of Animal Care and Control by assigning the duties of wildlife management to the Fire Department. This cost saving move does not come without controversy. The firefighter’s union states that the takeover places its untrained members in harm’s way. The union representing the Animal Care and Control officers has successfully bargained with the city to have their members absorbed by the fire department as firefighter/animal care specialists while the incumbent firefighters receive specialized training in domestic and wildlife management. This way, the next time a firefighter enters a window and is face to face with a guard dog or wildcat, that firefighter will be properly trained to handle the situation.

As Lt. Miguel Campo explains “It’s no longer just about rescuing a cat in a tree anymore.”

*SATIRICAL POST WARNING*

Posted by Pivotal Planning Team — www.theleeksatire.com

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The LEEK
Homeland Security

The LEEK is a satirical look into homeland security and public safety current events and issues. Enjoy!