It’s Okay to Beat Women, and Other Perks of ISIL Membership

Why Daesh is a Dame Downer

The sarcastic opinions expressed in this piece are in no way to be implied as criticism of the beautiful religion of Islam. These comments are critical of ISIL’s treatment of…well…everyone, and do not apply beyond ISIL’s interpretation of Islam.

Women can be terrorists, too. We know this. We think we’ve generally got our heads around some of the reasons. What we struggle to understand is how terrorism, and particularly the organizations that promote a particular brand of extremism and an overt subjugation of women, can possibly attract mothers, daughters, wives, and young girls to their violent causes. Lest any of us labor under the misconception that ISIL, or ISIS, or Daesh, or whatever your chosen term may be, should have any appeal whatsoever to women, let’s review why not:

5. Women protecting women?

They have an all female police squad, called the al-Khansaa Brigade. Empowering for women, right? Well, initially it was claimed to be for exposing men dressing in women’s clothing to get through ISIL checkpoints, but that’s not really what’s happening. The al-Khansaa Brigade is actually policing women. Forty lashes for wearing the wrong clothes, not being fully covered, wearing heels, or not being accompanied by a man (mahram) in public. And it’s 60 lashes if they catch you trying to escape.

4. Lack of movement

You can see the beautiful sights of the Caliphate…from your apartment. You can go out on the street if you are carrying out jihad by appointment, studying your religion, or functioning as a doctor or teacher. As a female, you can do this up to three whole times a week! (Before you go, make sure you pay attention to #5 above and dress appropriately when you leave your apartment, and take your mahram with you.) Think that is as bad as it gets? Check this out.

3. Practicing your faith

You can practice your religion without scrutiny or judgment, in a place of like-minded faithful. And you should. Because if you are stopped on the street by the al-Khansaa Brigade, they are going to point their guns at you while they test you about your knowledge of Sharia Law. Now that’s a pop quiz.

2. Marry ’em young

They get to marry a devout man of their faith. As early as age nine. Sixteen or seventeen is getting a little long in the tooth for ISIL — you really should be married by then.

1. Multiple wives and sex slaves

Your husband, a man of faith, will love you and profess his loyalty to you. And possibly his other wives. He will definitely not express his love and loyalty to the Yazidi slave he is allowed to rape, as long as his father isn’t raping the same Yazidi slave.