Help, I’m Overwhelmed by the Internet! [SATIRE]
ORLANDO, FL — The digital divide between generations is growing. The world-wide web has become a necessary part of younger users. However, it has also created misunderstanding among older generations. Help has arrived.
The Emergency Communications Center in Rochester, New York, is the test bed for a radical new service called Life Hack. “Anyone over 40 is basically a digital immigrant. It is difficult for us to keep up with the rapidly changing technological environment. The gap between parents and children, and especially grandparents and grandchildren is growing at an increased rate,” an official at the Communications Center explained.
In an effort to bridge the gap 40,000 wearable devices known as Life Hack will be issued to eligible persons, initially focusing on 60 and over. The wearable device will serve two purposes; for medical alerts as well as provide technical assistance to an aging population.
Life Hack can be set with automated alerts to notify the wearer of videos that have gone viral (over 100k hits), apps that have been downloaded over 1 million times, or trending internet terms and trends.
In addition, alerts can be customized based on the interest of the user. For example, a retired Highway Patrol Officer may be interested in new cat videos that have gotten over 50,000 hits. The retired officer can set up the alerts directly through the Communications Center or by logging into an online account associated with their Life Hack device. “The idea is simple. Instead of requiring the individual to constantly be connected to the internet, this device “pushes” alerts the wearer,” saving time and frustration, according to officials.
The user can then log-on to see what all the fuss is about. If the user decides to share their account information, friends and family can set alerts for their loved ones. Tired of your Dad not posting new photographs to Facebook for over a week? Embarrassed that Grandma has not updated her OKRs for over six months? Ready for your aging parents to learn how to twerk? You no longer have to be embarrassed by out of touch family members.
For premium users (fee based), the device will allow direct communication with trained operators. They can assist with common problems such as setting the clock on your VCR (backward compatibility), accessing your e-mail, figuring out how to use applications, or deciphering the text message from your granddaughter (spoiler alert: WTF does not mean “Well That’s Fantastic”).
Officials at the Emergency Communications Center in Rochester believe this device will help with interoperability between generations. “The internet is changing the way people speak, think, and communicate. It won’t be long before the generation gap causes significant problems,” one senior official stated. Instead of having a dystopian society in which a significant portion of the population is ostracized, it is hoped Life Hack will bridge the gap between generations. Soon, your grandparents may surprise you with some Chuck Norris facts or #ThrowBackThursday video staring your old home movies or embarrassing photographs. Thanks to the Emergency Communications Center in Rochester, New York and Life Hack, technology is bringing a brighter future for our most precious generation.
*SATIRICAL POST WARNING*
Posted by Pivotal Planning Team — www.theleeksatire.com
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