How to Defeat ISIS
Death by Chocolate
Waging jihad has been supposedly a means to securing a fast track to the afterlife with the promise of 72 virgins upon martyrdom (yes, the term jihad can mean several different things and the interpretation of the promises for martyrdom is complicated — just go with it). But what if you didn’t want to wait that long? What can you get NOW for your efforts while still alive?
If the promise of worldly goods and perks for lending your talents to ISIS sounds like something you may be interested in, read on.
1. Marry a virgin. Women have been captured and sold as slaves or given to fighters as a prize.
If the fighter perishes, apparently ISIS will order a surgery to “restore virginity” so that she can be married again.
2. Marriage Bonus are provided to set up a house and can be used for a honeymoon. Amounts are determined based on how beneficial the specific women are to the caliphate.
3. Baby bonus. Each childbirth can bring in up to $400 as a bonus for each child.
4. Stipend for the fighter and spouse for entertainment.
5. Allowances for uniform, clothing, household cleaning supplies, and monthly food baskets.
6. A portion of the “war spoils” if the fighter participated in a raid.
7. Discounts on luxury items
This welfare state that ISIS has set up for fighters and their families have been funded in the past by trafficking in crude and raids on banks, military bases and homes. Most recently taxes on everything from salaries paid by the Iraqi government for government workers to agriculture and shopkeeper goods have been making up about half of ISIS’s income.
But all this may be in jeopardy! Reports show that the bombing raids are starting to be effective. Oil prices are on a downward trend and bombing raids on oil and cash reserves have put the group in an interesting position. They now have to cut back on their lavish spending by reducing all salaries by 50%, reducing benefits and rationing items such as electricity. The cost to free some prisoners is a bargain for a cool $500, and people have to use American dollars to make transactions.
The thing that may be the most telling on the health of the organization is the elimination of free energy drinks and Snickers candy bars from the monthly food baskets.
How can you fight a war without caffeine and other stimulants? Could this truly be the downfall of ISIS? Maybe not quite, but it does demonstrate that the financial standing of the organization could be in a decline.
Snickers: You’re not you when you’re hungry.
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- The U.S. Drone Court: Are U.S. Citizens Constitutionally Protected From Targeted Drone Attacks?
- Body Cameras — Officer, Watch Your P’s and Q’s
- The Autonomous Motor Vehicle — Friend or Foe?
- Another Day in the Life of a North Korean Leader
- North Korea in Space!?
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