My Mother Always Said Homeland Security is Like Making a Lemon Meringue Pie …

I recently made the lemon meringue pie prominently featured in this story’s background. It was pretty good. And SO MUCH WORK. As I was contemplating what I’ve learned about homeland security, I realized making this pie was a lot like the homeland security experience — lots of work for a questionable good that some people appreciate and like and other people hate and want to throw at their enemies.

So here goes the extended pie-making/homeland security analogy…

When I decided to make the pie, my inherent dislike of doing anything domestic was overcome by my desire to see if I could make the thing. Homeland Security parallel: In pre-DHS days, many people perceived a need for a unified response to threats to the homeland, but weren’t totally sure the effort was worth it, and then decided, yes, we have to do it.

Once I was committed to the project, I perused various sources of information to find a good recipe. I settled on the America’s Test Kitchen Family Baking Book’s recipe because I have followed their recipes, with success, in the past. Homeland Security parallel: When the idea of having a cabinet-level department devoted to homeland security was accepted, the people who formed the Department looked for existing templates of how to create a new department — and largely settled on the Department of Defense model.

I made an inventory of what I needed to make the pie, purchased the ingredients I didn’t have, and started making the pie dough (which took FOREVER because pie dough needs to be chilled like 50 times before it’s even baked). After I made the crust , I made the filling (another 5,000 steps) and then the meringue. Finally, I baked the thing — the end was in sight. Homeland Security parallel: this is the stage where the DHS pioneers tried to follow a template and, in the end, just tried a bunch of stuff to see if it would work. I see DHS and its component agencies as still being here — we’re trying to figure out how to deliver “homeland security”, if we can even agree on a definition of that term.

When I took the pie out of the oven, I was happy it mostly looked like what I thought it should look like. Homeland Security parallel: if DHS and its component agencies even come close to meeting their stated goals, it’s time to celebrate.

After the pie cooled for the requisite two hours, I tried a slice. It was pretty good, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth the effort — I could have purchased a pie someone else made, with far less effort and aggravation. Homeland Security parallel: Do we need DHS? Could its missions be performed by someone else? Is the time, money and effort invested in this effort worth it?

And, finally, I took several photos with my phone, posted them on Facebook (and now Medium) and bragged to the world about my accomplishment. I’ll let you figure out the Homeland Security parallel on this one.