[satire] Out with the Armadillo and In with the Moose — Texas needs to refocus or it’s “Red Dawn” all over Again

It has been widely speculated this week and even commented on by pundits that the US Military is staging a coup directed by the Obama Administration to take over Texas. This is fact could not be further from the truth. The truth is much worse…it’s the commies!

The fact is that the Russians and Cubans have had a this in the works for some time. Their battle plans had leaked back in the 1980's and Hollywood made a movie about it called “Red Dawn”. The Commies were so pissed that their plans were leaked and broadcast to America in full color detail that they have created a huge ruse to trick us. They pretended that the USSR collapsed and that new Russian aggression in Ukraine is just about economic security and cultural stability. These both have just helped to refocus their battle plans.

The recent warming of relations between Cuba and the US has been the second part of this plan. The Cubans are acting all friendly but they are really just planting foreign extremists on American soil and distracting us. All those unaccompanied minors that crossed the border… they are really Cuban spies.

The third part of the strategy is their support of Middle Eastern radicals especially Al Qaeda and ISIS. This has caused the US military to take it eye of traditional warfare and practice fighting in guerrilla settings in hot desert climates. They have also planted stories about ISIS coming in through our southern borders. Again, see reference to unaccompanied minors…

The last stage of the strategy is Russia’s trickery on Global Warming. They have planted a nuclear reactor on the North and South Poles and they are slowly warming the Arctic region. The recent bomber excursions toward Alaska have actually been scouting missions to ensure their success. With the Arctic circle’s ice slowly melting, they will attack through Canada and take over the US from the north using their tricky allies, the Canadians. Ever wonder why they like red so much?…

The US Military has been lulled to sleep and Operation Jade Helm 15 is the last piece of the puzzle. While the Special Forces are hanging out in Texas and the Southwestern US “playing around” with their war games to make them better at fighting in the middle east and preventing southern terror intrusions, those Commies will be coming in through the north.

When will the gun toting patriotic Texans and their militia friends realize that they need to move quickly out of their comfortable homes and get to the northern borders. Enough with fences and drones, they need to learn how to work in the snow and play hockey.

Out with the Armadillo and in with the Moose!

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