[Satire] Ted Cruz Selects His Shadow Government
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — In an unprecedented move on Wednesday, 27 April, Republican candidate Ted Cruz named Carly Fiorina as his Vice President. During the announcement Fiorina stated “Let’s face it, these are unprecedented times, we face unprecedented challenges and dangers. We must stand united against injustice.” Ted Cruz praised Fiorina stating “She is a wonderful woman. Carly has the utmost integrity and has a way of getting to the truth.”
On Wednesday, Cruz doubled down by picking Indiana Governor Mike Pence to serve as his Secretary of State. “Governor Pence has incredible drive. He can harness his willpower to accomplish almost anything. He is a unifying force and with the promise of taking him out of Indiana, I know that I will have the support of the citizens of the basketball ring state.”
Cruz, from his headquarters in Houston known by his supporters as the Hall of Justice, is quickly adding to his team. He selected Wisconsin Scott Walker to serve as the Chair for the National Endowment for the Humanities and Utah Governor Gary Herbert as the Deputy Chair. Cruz was quick to state “These two work great together. As a duo, they are very dynamic.” Cruz promised to complete his shadow government. “I have Super Pacs and Super Friends. I will soon complete the appointments for my team and we will begin providing our shadow leadership.”
Meanwhile, at the legion of Donald, Republican Candidate Trump has also solidified his alliances. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, praised by Donald Trump as being “super intelligence and super strong” continues to be a staunch supporter of Trump. Ben Carson, a shoe-in for Attorney General, has used his ability for problem solving and puzzle themed traps and gadgets for the benefit of the team. Also a noteworthy team member, Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska known for her scare tactics and ingenious fear-gas causing her supporters to experience nightmarish hallucinations of their worst fears. How this primary turns out is still anyone’s guess. But Trump’s campaign managers Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera believe one of the biggest advantages is Trump’s ability to use his aircraft, known as the Hall of Donald, to move the team quickly between rallies and events.
*SATIRICAL POST WARNING*
Posted by Pivotal Planning Team — www.theleeksatire.com
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