Trump’s New Plan — What’s Good for the Mexican Border will be Good for the Canadian Border

The LEEK
Homeland Security
Published in
3 min readApr 16, 2016

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PLATTSBURGH, NY — Donald Trump, the Republican presidential candidate and brash New York real estate mogul, rallied a crowd of over 3,000 here Friday afternoon.

Trump walked alone onto the stage at the Crete Civic Center, the largest venue in this small border town of 20,000 on the shores of Lake Champlain, to the pulse of high-energy dance music. Hundreds of cellphones captured the moment, the first visit by a presidential candidate to the Lake City since 1974.

Donald Trump, entirely carried away by the momentum of his Mexican Wall plan, then announced his latest plan — to force our neighbors to the north to build a wall as well. “If a wall is good for the Mexico border, it is good for the Canada border as well.”

“Beautiful, great young people,” Trump said as he looked out across the crowd, “as has been stated continuously in the press, people are pouring across our borders unabated. Public reports routinely state great amounts of crime are being committed by illegal immigrants. Those Canadians are taking our jobs. This must be stopped and it must be stopped now.” The crowd’s cheers were deafening.

Trump went on to explain that like Mexico, Canada will also be footing the bill for his proposed border wall no matter what. “They’ll pay, in one form or another. They may even write us a check when it’s said and done.” Cost estimates for the wall are near $24 billion USD. Trump added, “Granted it’ll be 40% more due to that terrible Loonie exchange rate.”

Canadian Loonie 2016.

Trump said that he doubted that the Canadians would give him any push-back due to their ever polite nature.

Constable Dumas from Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha!, Quebec

He claims he would have the Canadians complete the potential Wall spanning the entire 5,500 mile border within two years if he wins the White House. “It will be complete two years from the time we start,” the GOP presidential front-runner said. “They’ll start very quickly. You’re going to always want the wall. They’ll love it.”

Trump also said that Canadian leadership takes advantage of America by not addressing its neighbor’s concerns. “Canada could stop 90 percent of the problems just by being tough, but they don’t want to be,” the billionaire said. With a wink and a nod to the adoring crowd, Trump said “They’re just too nice. When I’m elected, I’m going to be just as “nice”.”

*SATIRICAL POST WARNING*

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The LEEK
Homeland Security

The LEEK is a satirical look into homeland security and public safety current events and issues. Enjoy!