My Real-Time Thoughts About Being the Other Woman
I hardly recognize who I was back then.
These days, when I write about the affair that resulted in the birth of my daughter, I feel pretty clear-headed. I understand that I made terrible choices, but I also know it’s my job to move forward and do some good. I can’t fix or change what I did, but I can certainly learn from my past, do better for my kid, and even help other people face their own shitty pasts with far less shame.
It all starts with being honest and facing what we’ve done, instead of hiding or pretending it didn’t affect us. Of course our poor choices affect us. They affect other people too.
But whatever we do, it’s helpful to look back on who we were and what we were thinking. In the actual moments. I certainly write a lot about the affair now that there’s some space, and talking about it finally feels safe, but there’s always going to be this distance because now I’m on the other side. Now I know how it ends.
Also, if I write about the affair now, I’m dealing with these faraway — sometimes even faulty — memories that I’ve had time to think about and process.
Earlier this week, I went through some old files on my laptop and found something I wrote when I was living with that married man and we were in the thick of it.
