Honey Daiquiri
What’s the difference between Normal Cleaning & Christmas Cleaning? Normal Cleaning you make room for guests. Christmas Cleaning you make room for booze. #TisTheSeason
by Nicole Brown
Dis-sentient Daiquiri
Monday 14th July, 2008
I stare down at my book as from my peripheral vision, he stares at me. Quest Strikers. The new kid. The one that has all the girls swooning and all the guys typically wishing they were him — whilst still at the same time being humble enough to carry his majesty’s robes. I, on the other hand, despise him instantly. Yes that’s right folks, tell all your friends. Daiquiri may not believe in Love at first sight but Hate at first sight is pure and true.
Like Honey and James Franco.
‘You seem angry.’ Quest says breaking into my thoughts as I refuse to look up at him. I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth annoyed. ‘Like, something’s bothering you?’
‘Is that so?’ I say trying to sound as uninterested as possible but still allowing enough venom in my voice for him to know I don’t want to talk to him. I feel something hot press against my forehead and within two seconds I know what it is. It’s that stupid sideways smirk he’s doing again isn’t it? I grind my teeth down into each other as I continue to work, trying to ignore Quest Strikers’s presence. ‘Wow, something’s really bothering you. Is she always like this?’ Quest asks the rest of the four people on our table as Annah-with-a-‘H’ leans into his arm whilst pretending to adjust her seat and simultaneously flicking her hair over her shoulder I assume for him to smell. Girls, we sure can multi-task.
‘Well Quest, it is Quest isn’t it?’
‘Yes’sir.’ Annah-with-a-‘H’ giggles, and I refrain from rolling my eyes as I can still sense Quest’s gaze on mine. I resign to instead, mumbling to myself the Maths equations I’m too wound up to actually try and solve.
‘Daiquiri is more of the ‘loner’ variety.’ As opposed to the slutty? I think to myself but instead say-
‘As opposed to the slutty?’ I never really was good at that ‘count to ten’ thing Honey does. Annah-with-a-‘H’ turns to Quest with a pointed look as in my peripherals he continues to stare at me and my heart pounds hard against my chest.
‘Ya see? Anyways, just ignore her because if you haven’t noticed she’s also a total bi-’
‘Go ahead Annah. Swear. Give me something to tell Mr Nelson so he can finally remember to give you that detention — and lets be honest whatever I tell him anyway he’ll believe because I’m his favorite student.’ I allow myself a cheeky smile as she returns my gaze amused, and turns back to Quest.
‘Told you, but she’s harmless trust me. Her friend Briana is the real threat, trust me if you have a class with her just stay away ’cause that emo chick is crazy and she guards D like a pit-bull.’ I swallow my smile because lets face it, Briana would be proud.
‘Good to know.’ Quest says smiling at me as I quickly turn back to my book not granting him the pleasure or privilege of eye-contact.
‘My name is Annah…with-’
‘A ‘H’.’ The rest of the table finishes as Quest raises his eyebrows amused and Annah-with-a-‘H’ blushes slightly.
‘There’s another Anna in school, but she doesn’t have a ‘H’ and everyone always muddles us up which is weird ’cause, well, look at me? Why would God need to make two?’ She laughs nudging Quest in the arm as I look up at her flatly.
‘Don’t talk about Jesus.’
‘Oh Daiquiri, learn to laugh.’
‘I’ll stick to lightly scoffing thanks.’
‘Something really is bothering you-’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, maybe it’s got something to do with that midget you were kissing in the hall.’ I clench my fist around my pen, finally meeting Quest’s gaze as he smiles at me and the whole table goes silent with tension. ‘I had a feeling that’d make you look at me.’ I glare at him in the hopes that by narrowing my eyes my powers would finally kick in and the ceiling would cave in on him. No such luck.
‘Quest, shut your mouth ok? You don’t know me and you don’t know Fanning and it turns out you also don’t know what you’re talking about because we weren’t kissing in the hall.’
‘Obviously not, he’s too short but he wanted to I could tell. In fact, I bet you two have been dating a couple months now and all you’ve done is hold hands, which is sad for him because men have needs as little the man it may be and I can see the effect it’s having on you which is really just, tragic.’
‘Wow! So tell me, why — when you so clearly know everything with your super telepathic abilities — did you choose to come to St Matthews of all places and not some secret government agency? Did you fail the psych-eval because you’re just that egotistical?’
‘Maybe it’s because my powers are to great to be recruited and I wanted to use them for evil?’
‘What a coincidence, because according to everyone is this school Briana and I run evil, and it turns out you’re not invited to our club. Looks like you’re better off dying alone.’
‘As opposed to dying unsatisfied?’
‘As opposed to dying a miserable, womanizing, self-centered, jackass that could never Love another woman unless her eyes were mirrors and she had the same amount of charisma as a cardboard box.’
‘You’re cute when you rant.’ The bells echo through the halls, cutting into the tension as everyone except our table stands getting ready to leave and Quest stares back at me fixed with an ‘obviously-pleased-with-himself’ grin. I hold his gaze as he holds mine, and Annah-with-a-‘H’ laughs.
‘Wow! I haven’t seen a Daiquiri back-and-fourth like that since Ricky was suspended!’ My heart pounds fast in my chest as I grit my teeth together suddenly embarrassed — suddenly ashamed, as if I’ve just done something I should feel guilty for. I quickly stand, shoving my books in my bag as Quest’s friends approach and he stands not taking his eyes off me.
‘So, should we pick this up next week, same time — same place?’
‘Bite me, Quest Strikers.’ I say storming out of the classroom listening to all his boys jeer.
‘What’s wrong Daiquiri?’ Mum says chopping up the vegetables to go with the amazing smelling soup she’s making. I shrug placing the wet plate on the rack and returning to the other dirty dishes piling on the side of the sink.
‘I’m still in shock about Honey.’
‘Yeah…your father didn’t take it well… I mean he was positive as always, and he didn’t shed a tear but I could see it right in the back of his eyes there was mist. Yeah, this took everyone by surprise.’
‘Yeah… But Honey will be alright though won’t she?’
‘Of course.’
‘And I can give her one of my ovaries?’
‘Of course not.’
‘What about just my womb?’
‘Daiquiri.’ I turn to my mum as she turns off the tap, pulling me into a hug. ‘Everything’s going to be fine.’ I sigh.
‘I just hate feeling so useless. It feels like it doesn’t matter how old I get I’ll never be old enough to be of any help to my sister. Hashtag, little sister problems.’
‘Well put it this way. The minute Honey gets pregnant — because she will get pregnant, as her baby’s only Aunty, you get to be permanent babysitter. Hashtag, little sister goals.’ I look up at my mum, smiling impressed.
‘I love you mama.’
‘I love you too. Now tell me about this boy your sister mentioned?’
‘What boy? Oh Bic? Yeah nothing new with Bic. Besides, I’ve decided to give up on boys. From now on, all of my focus is on genetically replicating myself inside of Honey’s womb.’
It’s still not creepy!
Friday 18th July, 2008
‘I hate him Briana! Like, hate him! Like actual hate! Like actual hell-fire hate!’
‘Yeah so you’ve said, everyday, everyday this week, everyday this week in every conversation-’
‘No don’t do that, that’s what he does, he copies the way I speak and it drives me insane! Like, really Quest? Really?’ I roll my eyes gripping onto Fanning’s hand as Briana laughs and Fanning stares ahead in silence. ‘I think I’m going to have to kill him. Will you help me kill him?’
‘Do you even need to ask? Find me a shovel!’ I laugh despite my anger as I shake my head.
‘It’s like everyone in this entire school likes him instead of me — I could actually kill him.’
‘Do you like him Fan-Face?’ Briana asks as Fanning shrugs.
‘He’s sick at football.’
‘Ya see! Everyone but me.’ Fanning opens the door for Drama as standing in the middle of the room — as if by witchcraft, waiting for me, is Quest freaking Strikers. I ball up my fists as Fanning slips his hand from mine in pain and Briana covers her laugh with her hand. I glare at Quest as he give me a cocky smile the way only self-infatuated ass-clowns can.
‘Daiquiri I know you’re upset, but I want you to know that right now in this moment I couldn’t be any happier.’
‘At least that makes one of us.’ Fanning mumbles not quiet enough as he slumps away into class and I realize shamefully for the first time that he’s upset. Briana blows out a long whistle turning to me.
‘Someone’s hormonal.’
‘Yeah…’ I turn back ahead as Quest continues to smile at me, giving me an upwards nod. I grit my teeth together hardening my gaze. ‘And I bet it’s all his fault.’
‘So what are you going to do Daiquiri?’ Briana says tauntingly as Quest does his best LL-Cool-J impression, wetting his bottom lip and biting it slightly and the girls all swoon. I turn to Briana with an evil smile.
‘Introduce him to you of course.’ We walk towards him side-by-side as he turns to me raising his head.
‘Well, if it isn’t Daiquiri herself.’
‘And I’m Briana. The mean one.’ The side of Quest’s mouth raises into a smile as Briana instantly blushes and I grab her by the arm turning her.
‘What are you doing? Are you blushing?’
‘I can’t help it I’m mixed-race!’
‘Get your head in the game!’
‘Sorry, this is the first time I’ve seen him up close! He’s-’
‘Don’t Briana. Don’t.’ We turn back around as Quest friends surround him and he crosses his arms amused.
‘So you’re following me to Drama now? English, Maths, Art, History, Music? I’m starting to think you might have a thing for me Daiquiri?’ The boys all nudge each other chuckling like idiots as Briana and I roll our eyes.
‘If by thing? You mean death wish?’
‘So you have been thinking about me. I must say, obsession looks good on you.’
‘See Briana? I told you he’s an egotistical jerk-wod. This is why his names been bumped to the top of my Death Note.’
‘Nah, I don’t believe it.’
‘What? That there’s someone in this school who see’s you for the tool you are?’ Briana says, getting back into her mean-girl rhythm.
‘No, that there’s someone in this school who watches Death Note. That’s my anime Daiquiri, looks like we have more in common than you think.’ He winks at me as the boys all jeer again, clapping him on the shoulders as they move to the center of the room and Briana turns to me in shock.
‘Daiquiri, he watches your dorky animes! I mean I know you like Fanning and everything but come on! He’s four inches taller than you, he’s good at sports, he’s hot and you can’t deny it — do you know what this means!?’ I nod slowly turning back to face Quest as all the boys joke with him and the girls all watch starry-eyed. I narrow my eyes darkly.
‘This means war.’
Stay tuned for the Honey Daiquiri Christmas Special!
