Honey Daiquiri
When your Cat hisses at you for moving it off the couch and you have to remind it- “YOU ARE A PET!” #IDontSeeNoRingsOnYourCollar #CatOwnerProblems
by Nicole Brown
Daiquiri’s Duh
‘It’s you.’ He says to me as I stare up at him flabbergasted.
‘I’m…sorry?-’
‘You heard me Daiquiri, it’s you. I should have never been with her anyway, she’s a liar, she’s manipulative, she’s turned all the girls in class against you and…I’ve always known we had something special. I was a buffoon in trying to be with anybody else because Daiquiri…it’s you.’ The world has frosted over to a standstill. My stomach is turning, my head is exploding as one thought echoes over my mind in an overlapping loop. Is this a dream? Or did I, Duppy Daiquiri, just win the guy?
Oh Dear Sweet Honey, how I love thee. I think to myself as I text away with TJ.
Ah TJ. My anime watching, basketball loving, Marvel following guy I’m texting. That’s it. I realise that I’m being impatient but come on. TJ and I have been texting almost every day the past week — which please appreciate, is a miracle for me, as I genuinely despise being on my phone unless of course I’m messaging Honey — if she ever looks at her phone, or Bugsy — if you count forced computerised one worded responses you see under ‘T-Mobile — Saved Texts’ — but still! A week, and every day…almost, and aside from the odd flirtatious comment in the form of a competitive jest every once and a while, TJ has made no further advancement in the progression of our relationship in order to find out who I actually am. Like e.g. asking me on a date.
‘So just ask him.’
‘Que?’ Honey asks from the kitchen as Bugsy plays his new karate ninja app game thing on his phone and I sit on the carpet by the T.V looking down at mine and TJ’s entire relationship in all its emoticon glory.
‘If it’s a problem, she should just ask him.’ Bugsy says with a semi-uninterested shrug.
‘Bugs, there is no way in hell I’m asking TJ out on a date.’
‘I never said that.’
‘You literally just did.’
‘No, I said ‘just ask him’ and stopped talking, I never said ask him on a date.’ I roll my eyes. Unbelievable.
‘You should just say to him you guys haven’t gone out yet or spoken in person since you spoke for three seconds at basketball.’ Honey says moving things around in the kitchen as there’s a crash. ‘Sunnova! Whit.’ She growls.
‘Everything ok in there sis?’
‘Uh-huh. Just Whit trying to test my reflexes by piling up every dish we own in a giant unstable mound by the sink, no biggie.’ Bugsy and I share a smirk as Frap, Honey’s cat, stalks out of the darkness nervously and I pull her onto my lap, stroking her. She’s always so loving. I think to myself as she throws her head into me purring loudly while I scratch behind her cute little kitty ears.
‘So what should I say Honey?’
‘That as much as you enjoy communicating via electronic waves and phone couriers it would be nice to, ya know, not.’ I type out the message, then instantly stop.
‘Wait. Instant dilemma.’
‘What?’
‘Well what if he suggests going out? I hate going out?’
‘See? Impossible to please.’ Bugsy says I assume to Honey and I suddenly feel like I’m out of the loop and have missed something.
‘Do not use Daiquiri as an example, she’s barely female.’
‘Hey!’
‘As for not wanting to go out, just invite him to the house then hermit, that way at least he gets to hang out and talk to dad as something other than just Coach.’ I pause.
‘You’re a genius.’ I finish typing out the message and press send. ‘Thank you Honey!’
‘You’re welcome Daks, be sure to text me as soon as you realise…’
‘Huh?’
‘Nada.’
‘You’ll be there right Bugs?’
‘Well, I haven’t intimidated anyone in a while…?’ I turn to my non-biological brother — but brother nonetheless in disbelief.
‘I don’t know how they do it, I mean you look so human, so lifelike and yet are such a robot.’ He looks up from his phone for the first time to glare at me the way only a cyborg with the urge to kill can…
As I flutter my eyes cutely and his eyes darken.
‘If I were a Grimm I would cut your head off.’
‘Oh Grimm, oh Nick — stop brain hacking me!’ He sticks out his tongue as Honey pokes her head around the corner confused.
‘What are you guys talking about?’
‘That new show Grimm, Daiquiri’s added David Giuntoli to her ‘white guy elevator list’ — I tried to tell her that was racist.’
‘Oh Grimm, is that any good?’
‘So far it’s aiite — but Nick.’
‘Nick?’
‘Nick, aka main guy in Grimm that I wish I wasn’t so attracted to ’cause he sorta reminds me a lot of Whit — he is so fine — Grimm guy! Not Whit — I mean yes Whit but also…sigh. You get it right? Yeah you get it.-’
‘You have two lists?’
‘You don’t understand, he’s so friggin hot — again, sorry he looks like your husband.’ She shakes her head stepping out of the kitchen, with a light coat of flour covering her arms while she wipes her hands on her apron, noticing Frap.
‘Hey! Do not show my cat love!’ Frap darts off my lap, scurrying into the shadows as I turn to Honey in shock.
‘Do I need to call RSPCA?’
‘Do not show her love — she knows why — I thought I could trust you.’ I laugh. ‘And more importantly? What did you say most awkward person ever?’ I pat off Frap’s remaining fur, opening up the message on my phone.
‘I said, ‘so hey, as much as I enjoy yours, mine and T-Mobile’s relationship, I was wondering if you wanted to come over mine sometime? Maybe. If you can. If you want?’…See that was smooth…right?’ Bugsy and Honey turn to each other slowly shaking their heads as I look between them both, lacking in praise.
‘There’s just…’
‘There’s no hope.’ They say as I instantly and nervously deflate.
I stare at the sent message on my screen, resigned to my fate. What’s more humiliating than embarrassing yourself in front of the guy you’re interested in? When the guy you’re interested in, is younger than you. But am I even interested in TJ? I look up from my phone as Katrina’s click of girls pass me laughing and Ricky steps through the doors of the corridor. My heart twinges, but doesn’t ache. So that’s it. I think, watching Katrina fold into Ricky’s arms while he slings his arm around her, forcing what I know is a fake smile to her friends. Since talking to TJ, I haven’t thought about Ricky. Ricky who makes me laugh, Ricky that loves animes, and comics, and basketball, and all things Marvel — Ricky that was my best friend…it’s like all of a sudden, since talking to TJ — as if by magic…I’m over Ricky… I look down at my phone as it lights up. I wonder why.
*1 New Message* TJ: Sure, that sounds like it could be fun! x
I smile. Well, it’s a start.
‘It’s you.’ He says to me as I stare up at him flabbergasted.
‘I’m…sorry?-’
‘You heard me Daiquiri, it’s you. I should have never been with her anyway, she’s a liar, she’s manipulative, she’s turned all the girls in class against you and…I’ve always known we had something special. I was a buffoon in trying to be with anybody else because Daiquiri…it’s you.’ The world has frosted over to a standstill. My stomach is turning, my head is exploding as one thought echoes over my mind in an overlapping loop. Is this a dream? Or did I, Duppy Daiquiri, just win the guy?
‘Fanning…you have a girlfriend you’re like…currently dating Elizabeth.’
‘Are you not listening to me? I broke up with Lizzy, for you Daiquiri.’
‘Aw snap.’ Briana says from beside me with a beaming smile as we sit in the grass on the field and Fanning stares down at me with bright red cheeks. ‘Aren’t you going to say something?’
‘Err…’ I blink up at him open-mouthed as Briana throws her arm over my shoulder turning to Fanning.
‘What Daiquiri means is, you took your time, now what are you offering here?’
‘Well, I like you and I would like for us to maybe…ya know.’
‘Ya know what?’ Briana teases impatiently as Fanning meets my gaze and I swallow.
‘Daiquiri…I want you to be my girlfriend.’ I blink more times than I thought humanly possible in under two seconds as behind him I see Elizabeth standing with all of her friends. Even from this distance, I can see them all glaring at me, mouthing words I can guess the meaning off. I turn to Briana. I turn to Fanning. I sigh.
‘Fanning. I like you too. But give it a minute wouldja?’ He furrows his eyebrows confused as I gesture behind him to the glaring girls and he follows my gaze pausing. Boys. Even when they’re giving you what you want, it’s always with the bad timing.
I open my front door as TJ stands with a large beaming smile on his face, wearing a long chequered shirt, skinny jeans, and a tilted Marvel cap on. I shake my head letting him in.
‘You are such a nerd.’
‘You’re just jealous ’cause I’m cooler than the giants in jotunheim.’
I smile, allowing the expression to freeze on my face as I immediately pull out my phone and text Honey.
Oh Dear Sweet Honey, I’m dating Ricky aren’t I?
*1 New Message*
Honey: Oh Sweet Naïve Daiquiri. DUH.
I sigh closing the door.
