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Hot, Fall Lewks To Debut At The Patch This Weekend

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It’s fall — and I cannot emphasis this enough — y’all. And that only means one thing: pumpkin patch fashion!!!! Move over, ‘Spooky Season’, because while you’re decorating your porch with severed heads, we’re turnin heads! Out of our way football fans, cuz we’re not running plays, we’re runnin’ to Marshalls!

That’s right, it may be getting cool outside, but it’s getting HOT up in these fall outfit combos. Here are a few killer looks to strut all up and down Mr. Jenkins’ Pumpkin Patch this weekend even when he says, “Please, I’m begging you, buy something.”


It’s hard to say ‘pumpkin patch poncho’ when your gullet is full of pumpkin spice cold brew, but don’t let that stop you! As everyone knows, no one goes to the patch for pumpkins anymore, but when you’re rocking a poncho this spacious, you can get photos for your blog and smuggle home however many pumpkins you want under there. WERK, gourd-geous!


Ready to look so fire that people will wonder if you’re a walking Jack O Lantern? Welcome to cape town, sister! If a poncho feels too adventurous for you, drop jaws at the patch with a stylish, fall cape. Yes, it’s basically a poncho, but what the patch wants the patch gets — and the pumpkin patch wants wool blends, babay!


Your local patch says they’re family-friendly, but strutting your fine fall ass around in a sweater wrap is some NC-17 level stuff! Smokin’ hot is the new cozy and you heard it here first.


Once, twice, three times (around your neck), a lady! Sweaters with arms are for people who go to apple orchards, but YOU’RE a patch bitch, so toss a shawl over your shoulder and give ’em somethin’ to talk about other than the buy 3 get 1 free pumpkin deal going on right now.

If you sensed a theme, you’re as smart as you are foine! Because if you really wanna blow the tops off more than pumpkins this weekend, you better drape like your life depends on it. As the saying goes, if it’s not a transitional knit, it ain’t it!




lol it’s satire, honey! by Lyndsay Rush & Liz Fitzgerald

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Lyndsay Rush

Lyndsay Rush

Comedy writer, Creative Agency CoFounder, Copywriter, national treasure.

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