Day 14 — Finding the Edges
I spent the last year living in New York. I moved there for work and before I moved I thought about all the people who dream their whole lives of living there. Some who want to make it on Broadway and some who have always felt the pull of the city. The pull of New York is like the gravity of a star for a lot of people. For me it was more like a black hole. Let me just say up front I would love to go back and visit. New York is an amazing, dynamic city with so much to experience. For me, however, I spent the last year learning that it’s not a place I want to live.
I spent a lot of the last year thinking about the Frank Sinatra song.
The line, “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere,” I had always interpreted to mean that it was a cutthroat city when it came to business and whatever line of work you’re in. Whether it’s finance or food, the upper echelon tends to reside in this world-renowned locale. I soon came to realize it’s actually the city itself that will destroy your spirit, chew you up, and spit you out if you’re not prepared.
The MTA alone is enough to drive a person mad. Now, I will conceded that I grew up in the midwest suburbs. I’m used to shopping centers with Trader Joe’s and sprawling grocery stores with parking lots that won’t kill you as well. That would never fly in NYC and I recognize that’s a bias I have and a trade off to not having to maintain a car and being able to go to art shows for free on a Tuesday.
I also wasn’t ready for apartment living again. While our apartment was beautiful and darn near grandiose by NYC standards, the people who lived above us were an utter nightmare. They slammed the toilet seat, let their kid run laps back and forth across the apartment at all hours, and didn’t have carpets.
I hated grocery shopping and it seemed like businesses arbitrarily closed or Joe, the only person working in such-and-such department that I needed, was on vacation and wouldn’t be back for two weeks. Also, the weather was nothing like the perpetually sunny calendar of the southwest. It seemed much closer to the dreariness of London coupled with the snowstorms of the Northwest Territory.
Within a couple months, I had definitely decided living in New York wasn’t for me. That said, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s really easy to hear all my complaining and think about all the money I spent to move my stuff across the country and back and think that I regret my decision to move there. I don’t. It was an incredible experience and I found my edges.
I don’t remember when I started saying it or where I read or heard it, maybe I made it up, but I can’t say for sure, but finding the edges is like learning your limits. Learning what just doesn’t work for you and how you want to live your life. The year I spent in New York might have taught me that New York life isn’t for me, but it also taught me to have a greater appreciation for the ease of accessibility of certain things and the fact that I had the resources to move elsewhere because I wanted to. I loved living with my best friend for another year and being able to say, “That year I lived in New York…” I find New York-centric humor makes me laugh a little harder and I have a wealth of experiences and memories.
So, the last thing I would say is I regret it or that it was a waste of time and that’s the approach I take to any new experience. Even if that experience doesn’t go well, it’s an opportunity to find the edges and learn a little more about myself. I can step back and reflect on whether it would be something I would try again or if once was enough and I’ll take the lessons learned as my souvenir. Next time you find yourself in a new experience, especially one that doesn’t work out the way you expected, think about what new edges you’ve found.
