Day 4 — Consistency
On Day 1, I wrote about how behavior is like a meteor. If behavior is like a meteor, it’s also like a snowball in that it gains momentum as it rolls down hill and sometimes it’s a freezing wallop right in the face.
In my experience these tend to be the phases of new habit:
Phase 1: Do all the things!
This is where you’ve chosen the new habit, buy all the new equipment, sticky notes, programs, food, new storage dishes, etc. and you are DETERMINED to commit 130% to this change.
Phase 2: Disappointment
You’ve done all the things for like a whole week (or 3 weeks or 3 months) and you haven’t noticed one bit of difference. WHY IS EVERYTHING THE SAME YOU’VE BEEN DOING ALL THE THINGS!?!?!
Phase 3: Back to Default
In which you jump off the cliffs of F it and go back to your old habits because nothing you do matters.
The New Phases
It doesn’t have to be that way though. To start, don’t do all the things.
Phase 1: Pick one thing and watch it.
Choose one habit to work on and watch it. For Jules who has problem being on time, it might be counting how many things she’s late to in a week. For Arjun, it might be keeping a journal of how he feels and what time he goes to bed. Watch this one thing for a week or two and find a way to track it.
Phase 2a: Decide on a nudge.
People forget the Grand Canyon was made by a tiny river and a crap ton of time. Make a nudge to that one thing. For Jules maybe she’s usually 15 minutes late, now she’s aiming for 14 minutes late. It sounds ridiculous, but trust me, early wins. Think about a video game. They don’t send you into the hardest boss right away armed with only your level one armor and weapon. They have you defeat low level easy monsters and gain points and levels immediately. That way you can feel success immediately. As you level up, it takes longer to gain your experience points and monsters become more difficult. If your aim is to increase your meditation time starting from not meditating at all, try just 1 minute each day. If you’re building to a fitness routine, start with stretching as long as you want, stop at any time, as long as you get up and do it, it counts. Again, it sounds crazy I know, but it’s about super easy wins and getting used to doing this new thing.
Phase 2b: Track the nudge
A friend recommended the book The Four Disciplines of Execution a few months ago. In it, they talk about lead measures and lag measures. We tend to focus on lag measures — the results of our efforts — rather than the lead measures — our efforts. We track how much weight we’ve lost rather than tracking how many minutes we work out or how many calories we take in. We track how many talks we give in a year rather than how many we applied for or how many we prepared for. As a result, this can be pretty demoralizing.
It’s great for Arjun to track how he feels each day, but it’s equally important to track what time he’s going to bed or what time he’s starting his bedtime routine. For health and fitness, it’s important to track inches or stone lost, it’s also important to track how many workouts you’ve gotten dressed for or how many days you’ve tracked your food. Those are wins!
Phase 3: Bump the nudge
Set goals for your nudge and bump them up every week or two. Nothing crazy. Don’t go from, “I’ll be only 14 minutes late,” to “I’ll be on time for every meeting.” Remember you’re at like level 2. You’re just gonna have the armor and weapons to defeat slightly harder wendigos not Baal’s minion. If you were aiming for 5 minutes earlier bedtime, maybe bump it to 7 minutes earlier. These should still be super easy to attain goals.
Get your journal. Write down your one thing to watch this week. Share it with a friend or in the comments. This is an iterative process meaning it’s not set it stone. If you find you didn’t quite pick the right habit to watch, choose a different one. It’s experimental and it’s a marathon, not a sprint. If you’re looking for a refresher or you just joined, here are the links to day 1, day 2, and day 3.
